


The Languge of Music

by Imthebumblebeebitch



Series: Unfinished and Abandoned Fics [6]
Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, F/M, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Literally No One is Straight, M/M, Multi, Oh my god theyre so queer, Past Child Abuse, Rather no one that matters is straight, Slurs, Specific triggers in chapters, Trans Character, Transphobia, poor ryan :c, ryan is a dork and so is ray
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-15
Updated: 2017-07-11
Packaged: 2018-08-31 02:46:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 24,605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8560366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Imthebumblebeebitch/pseuds/Imthebumblebeebitch
Summary: The music he heard was sorrowful but passionate, melodic yet pained, it’s crescendos brought a glimmer of hope, while its decrescendos put him into the pits of despair. He saw his instrument shimmer in the dim light, now gliding across the strings while playing this alluring desolate tune.





	1. Player 1, Start

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt taken from my tumblr. This took a long time to write, and it is nowhere near being complete. I hope you all enjoy this, it is the longest thing I've ever written so I am rather proud of it. I wasn't intending on making it multi chapter, but in the end, I wanted some feedback.

"Nerd!" The bully yelled, pointing at Ray who was holding his violin case. "Who the fuck are you, bringing that shit to our school?"  
  
"What, my violin? I get my lessons here; there is a music teacher, you know." Ray responded, turning to walk away. He wasn't surprised to feel a hand roughly turn him back around.  
  
"Man, Ms. Ramsey is _still_ here? You'd think that with the cuts to the music department, she'd have quit by now." The bully laughed, his friends joining in.  
  
"Can you let go of my arm? I'm going to be late for practice." Ray muttered, not looking up. The bully turned to his friends, who nodded at him, turned around, and punched Ray right in the face. He fell down, and the bullies ran off laughing.  
  
"Fucking hell." Ray mumbled, standing back up and walking to the music room. He held his head where he had been hit; he would definitely need some ice for that. As he inched closer, he heard something different. He heard music. Ray peaked inside the music room, remaining out of sight, and saw a boy with a cello.

The music he heard was sorrowful but passionate, melodic yet pained, it’s crescendos brought a glimmer of hope, while its decrescendos put him into the pits of despair. He saw his instrument shimmer in the dim light, now gliding across the strings while playing this alluring desolate tune. Ray couldn't comprehend the emotions that swirled through him while listening to this person play. He sighed a bit when the music stopped, and quickly made his way into the room.

"That was fantastic." He said quickly. The boy playing looked up in surprise before hastily packing his cello up. Well, as hastily as you _can_ , at least. "No, don't stop playing on account of me, I'd love to hear you play some more."

"I have to go." The boy mumbled, rushing out of the room as Ms. Ramsey walked in.

"Oh my." She said, looking behind her. "Was that Ryan?"

"I'm sorry, who?" Ray asked. He didn't know anyone named Ryan.

"He just moved here from Georgia, Ryan Haywood. What was he doing here?" She asked.  
  
"He was playing the cello." Ray answered. Ms. Ramsey raised an eyebrow.

"Wow, okay. Was his playing any good?" Ray closed his eyes, remembering the music he had just heard, feeling like it's been a thousand years since he heard it.

"It was magical."

 

* * *

 

"Good job today, Ray! You are a natural at this." Ms. Ramsey cheered. "Do you plan on playing any other instruments? Your violin skills may even surpass mine at this point, I'm not sure if I can teach you much more!" She jokes. "Maybe the viola?" Ray thought for a moment.

"I'll skip out on the viola for now, maybe cello? It's such a beautiful instrument, but then I'd have to learn bass clef."

"I am a music teacher, you know. I'd be more than happy to help you. Do you have access to a cello?"

"My birthday is in a couple of weeks, I'll ask my parents for one."

"Great idea, Ray. You are quite the prodigy; do you plan on doing anything with music after high school?" Ms. Ramsey asked, putting her instrument away, Ray mirroring her movements.

"I'd like to; I've always wanted to join a chamber music group, or maybe start my own quartet. I don't know enough musicians at the moment, though, so it's hard to make any connections." Ray responded. He packed his violin away neatly and closed the case up.

"Maybe you could start with Ryan? He came today for his orientation, but he starts class tomorrow. Maybe you could befriend him, ask him to play with you?" Ms. Ramsey suggested. Ray shrugged.

"I'll think about it."

"Well, in any case, I'll talk to my son too. He is a very talented viola player, you know."  
  
"Why he'd waste his talent on viola will forever remain a mystery." Ray joked.

"Better not let him catch you saying that!" Ms. Ramsey laughed. "Have a nice evening, Ray. I'll see you tomorrow."

"See you tomorrow, Ms. Ramsey." Ray said, walking out of the room. He got his phone out to call his mom, and sighed when she didn't pick up the phone. He texted his dad.

-Hey dad, try and call mom. She didn't pick up for me. Do you think you could give me a ride home, btw?

As he walked to the front of the school, he got a response.

-Don't know, can tell you in 5 min

"Great..." Ray muttered as he walked out the front doors. To his surprise, he saw Ryan standing out there, cello case in hand. Ray walked up and stood next to him. "Hey, I'm Ray." He introduced.

"... Hello. I'm Ryan." Ryan said shortly. Wasn't he just a ray of sunshine.

"You're cello playing is absolutely fantastic." Ray said awkwardly, not sure what else to say.

"Thanks."

"I play the violin, you know."

"Interesting."

"I'm beginning to think that you may not be the best at conversations."

"I'm beginning to get annoyed that some random asshole is trying to make conversation with me when no one asked them to." Ryan snapped.

"Jesus, okay, I was just trying to be friendly." Ray responded, rolling his eyes. Ryan didn't respond. Ray felt a buzz in his pocket, and pulled out his phone.

-Sorry Ray, working late tonight. Your mom isn't picking up. Get home as soon as possible to check on her

"Shit..." He mumbled. That's just what he needed; to walk through the streets of Austin with an expensive instrument. He thought of who he could call to give him a ride. He reluctantly dialed a number.  
  
"Hey, Jack? Yeah, it's Ray........ Are you busy right now?......... Yeah, dad is working so he can't get me, and mom isn't picking up the phone........ Cool, see you in a few." Ray hung up the phone. He looked over at Ryan, who was looking down at his phone, his face getting sadder as he read.

"God damnit..." He muttered.

"Um, everything alright?"  
  
"No one asked you."

"For fucks sake, dude. I'm trying to be friendly here."

"My aunt can't come get me, okay? I live like an hours walk from here, and I have this gigantic cello." He hissed, and he started to walk away.

"Wait, Ryan," Ray said, grabbing Ryan's wrist, "where do you live?"

"On Boulder road, near the Walmart." Ryan said reluctantly.

"You're shitting me, you're the new people that moved in next door?"

"That's quite the coincidence."

"Just wait here with me, asshole. I've got a ride coming and I understand the worry of having an expensive instrument and having to walk home with it."

Ryan didn't say anything, but he sat his case down and decided to wait. It was a few minutes before anyone spoke up again.

"I don't think I like you very much." Ryan mused.

"The feeling is pretty mutual, dick." Ray retorted. He sent a silent 'thank you Jesus' when Jack pulled up.

"Jack, I've never been happier to see you." Ray said, tossing his things in the trunk. "This is Ryan. He's my new neighbor and needs a ride home."

"That's okay, hop on in. I don't bite, I promise." Jack laughed. As they drove off, Ray noticed the surprised looks Ryan was giving Jack.

"What, you've never met a girl named Jack?" Ray spat. If this asshole ends up being transphobic, he swears to God....

"Sorry, I don't mean to stare, I just didn't want to ask and seem insensitive." Ryan said quietly. Jack laughed.

"No worries, dude. Born and raised Jack, just ended up being a girl, not a boy. I like the name Jack though, and names aren't inherently gendered; society just puts them into gendered categories. So you get me, the beautiful trans girl who is called Jack."

"Do you go to Fairpoint?" Ryan asked. Jack nodded.

"I'm a senior this year. Do you start tomorrow? What grade are you in?"

"I do, and I'm a sophomore."

"Looks like you're still the youngest, Ray." Jack laughed. The rest of the ride was filled with a slightly awkward silence.

"Thanks for the ride, Jack." Ray said as he got his things. Ryan quickly thanked him and went home.

"Anytime, my friend. Make sure you give that Ryan kid my number; the free rides stand with him too." Jack winked and drove off. Ray waved at the car before walking inside his quiet house.

"Mom? You okay?" Ray called out cautiously. He heard a bang from the kitchen, and went to see what happened. Inside, be found his mother on the floor, surrounded by pots and pans. Her wheelchair was across the room.

"Ray, thank god. I've been stuck here for an hour, and I landed on my arm funny and now I can't really move it." Rays mom said, tears in her eyes. "I just wanted to make you dinner tonight, like I used to."

"You know you don't have to do things like that, mom. I know it's hard for you since the accident. Now come on, let's get you in your chair and have a look at that arm, alright?" Ray said gently. He picked up his mom and placed her in her chair.

"Thank you so much Ray, I don't know what I'd do without you." She held onto his hand. "Do you think that you could play me a song tonight? I'd love to hear something."

"Let's get this arm checked out, then I'd be happy to play for you, mom."

 

* * *

 

"Good morning, class. Today I'd like to welcome our new student, Mr. James Ryan Haywood."

"I go by Ryan." He said shortly.

"Alright, Ryan, why don't you take a seat next to Ray back there? He's the one-"

"We've met." Ryan muttered, taking his time walking to his new seat. The teacher, Mr. Heyman blinked and continued on with his lesson.

"We're on page 400, third paragraph." Ray whispered. Ryan muttered a thanks and got his book out.

"Okay, who wants to read first?" Mr. Heyman asked. No one responded. "Well, don't all volunteer at once." Again, no response. He sighed. "Just read amongst yourselves for the next 10 minutes, and we'll have a class discussion afterward."

"So, Ryan," Ray started, "why do you act like you have a stick up your ass?"

"I don't like it here." Ryan responded simply.

"Maybe you'd like it more if you weren't such a dick."

"Maybe."

"Well, it's obvious that you don't like me, or anyone it seems, but you need someone to help you out here. I guess I'm stuck with that job."

"Lucky me."

"You really are a dick, you know that? Just, an absolute asshole. Maybe there is a friend in there, somewhere. You'd love Michael."

"I assume you'll be introducing us later."

"You're sitting with us at lunch, so your assumption would be correct."

Ryan didn't respond anymore, and Ray left it alone. He wondered just what the hell was up with this guy? He genuinely seemed like an asshole. Then again, he also acted as if he cared, like with Jack. Ray began to wonder; was there _really_  a good friend in this kid? He wasn't completely sure, but Ray knew one thing; he was going to befriend this Ryan kid no matter how long it takes.

"Alright, class, since I've been kind enough to let you all socialize all class, here is tonight's homework assignment: you are to write a short story from the point of view of an object. It can be a cell phone, a football, anything you want. My only stipulation is that it has to be inanimate, alright? This assignment is due Friday, so use today and tomorrow wisely " Mr. Heyman received a chorus of mumbled 'yes sir's as the bell rang.

"Hey, wait up, what's your next class?" Ray asked Ryan. He looked at his schedule.

"Calculus with Mr. Burns." He responded.

"Really? Aren't you a sophomore? That's a junior/senior class."

"I'm pretty smart. You don't have any room to talk; they told me that creative writing is a sophomore and up class." Ryan muttered. "I hate to ask, because I don't like you, but could you show me where his room is?"

"It's next to my next class, asshat. You can walk with me." Ray said back to him. Did he _really_ have to point out that he didn't like Ray at every opportunity?

Ray tried to make idle small talk as they walked, to no avail. This Ryan kid sure was quiet; Ray made a secondary goal to change that.

"Here we are, Calc with Mr. Burns. Good luck, dude. Jack has been complaining about derivatives and something called 'chain rule' for a few days now."

"Jack's in this class?" Ryan questioned. Ray nodded.

"Yep. Look at that, you've had a friend your first two classes. I'd say that's a solid streak you've got going for you."

"...Thanks." Ryan said curtly before walking into class. Wow, a genuine compliment; Ray should feel special. He doesn't, but he should. He shook his head and walked into his own class.

"Ray, we saved your seat!" Gavin said happily.

"You're usually here so early, what happened today?" Michael asked.

"Was showing the new kid his class, he's going to sit with us at lunch too." Ray explained.

"Is this the asshole you told me about yesterday?" Michael asked him. Ray nodded.

"The one and only. I don't know, I just feel like he's being a dick because this is new to him. I'm sure he'll open up eventually."

"But if he doesn't, there'll be another arsehole in the group." Gavin grumbled.  
  
"To be fair, we're all assholes, Gavin." Michael snickered. Ray rolled his eyes and got his notes out.

"I've never hated anything more than the unit circle." He groaned. Gavin and Michael agreed as the teacher walked in.

"I hope you all studied up the unit circle, because it's time for a pop quiz." She was met with groans.

 

* * *

 

"Thank god it's pasta day; I would have died if I had to eat another sub." Gavin groaned, getting his lunch.

"Just start packing, idiot. You wouldn't have to deal with it then." Michael responded, rolling his eyes.

"He'd probably bring fish and chips every day." Ray said, him and Michael laughing as Gavin pouted.

"That's racist!" He yelped.

"It seemed sexist to me." Michael said.

"No, it was ageist, definitely." Ray responded, laughing as they sat down.

Ray looked at everyone at the lunch table. Mica and Jeremy were inseparable as always, grossly exhibiting large amounts of PDA. Jeremy noticed Ray's look, and they started to blush. Mica, however, just smirked and gave Jeremy a peck on the cheek, causing them to blush harder. Lindsay was waiting for Michael and Gavin, handing them some of the cupcakes she had brought to school and laughing as Jack basically drooled as she walked up. Ray noticed one specific person missing from the table, however...

"Yo Jack, have you seen Ryan?" Ray asked.

"Not since Calc, no. That kid is fucking smart though, he taught me how to do derivatives and chain rule in 20 minutes." Jack responded.

"I try my best." A voice said from behind Ray. He turned around in surprise, and smiled when he saw Ryan.

"Ryan! Glad you made your way to The Queerest Table in the World™." Ray stated. Ryan raised an eyebrow.

"The queerest table in the world?" He questioned as he sat down.

"TM. That's important." Gavin told him, his mouth full of cupcake.

"...Okay. Why is this the queerest table in the world, then?" Ryan asked. "TM." Gavin nodded approvingly.

"Well, my friend," Ray started, "there's Jack, who you know is trans. She's also bi. There's Mica, who's also bi, and Jeremy, who is agender and pan. There's Michael, who is pan, Lindsay who is grayromantic bi, and Gavin who is pan. Then you have me, the flaming homosexual himself."

"So do queer people always flock together like this?" Ryan asked.

"When you're at a school with a bunch of asshole bullies, you do." Mica said.

"So, what brand of queer are you?" Gavin asked. Lindsay smacked his arm.

"You can't just ask someone's sexuality when you just met them, asshole." She passed a cupcake to Ryan. "Here, ignore Gavin. He's an idiot sometimes. I love to bake, so you better get used to baked goods every other day."

"Thanks." Ryan said shortly, not even attempting to eat his treat.

"You okay, dude? First day been rough?" Ray asked. Ryan ignored him. "Can you not be a dick for once in your life, please?"

"Why are you trying so hard? You just met me yesterday, what do you get out of befriending me?" Ryan snapped at him. Ray blinked, not expecting the sudden outburst.

"I get a new friend. An absolute asshole, but a new friend nonetheless. You can push me away all you want, but I'm not going anywhere." Ray said in all seriousness. Ryan didn't know how to respond to that, so he just sat in silence.

Jack noticed the quiet boy, so she began to make conversation. "So, what's the rest of your schedule like, Ryan?"

Ryan pulled it out, looking it over. "I have physics with Mr. Bragg, but only on Tuesdays and Thursdays, ceramics with Ms. Ramsey, and English with Mr. Burton."

"Nice, my dad is the coolest English teacher in the school. You lucked out." Mica pointed out.

"You also share a schedule with me!" Lindsay said excitedly.

"Lucky me." Ryan muttered. He instantly regretted his tone when he saw the look on Lindsay's face. He sighed. "I'm glad I'll know at least one person. Now I won't even have to walk alone." He said, trying to help her feel better. He felt relief when she gave him a smile.

"Sounds great! Now, are you going to eat that, or am I going to have to force it down your throat?"

"She's very serious about her sweets." Jeremy laughed.

"It'll be easier if you just take a bite and tell her what you think." Ray whispered to him.

"Sorry, I'm not much of a cupcake person." He muttered, handing it back to Lindsay. "Thank you, though. They look really pretty."

"I'll make some cookies next time, I won't be able to live with myself if I let a friend go without trying my super amazing baked goods." She winked, and Ryan surprised Ray by smiling, just a little bit. He'd be lying if he said that it wasn't just a little bit cute.

"Oh, Ryan, do you know what you're going to write about for creative writing?" Ray asked. Ryan was quiet a moment, rubbing his wrist absentmindedly.

"I'm not too sure yet. Do you?" He asked back, pulling his sleeve down.

"I don't know, either. It has to be something good though; this assignment is notorious in this class. Mr. Heyman picks the best two and has them share to the class, and they get out of the next big writing assignment, if the rumors are to be believed."

"That would be cool. Imagine if the both of us got it." Ryan pondered. What the hell did that mean? Ray thought about it for the rest of lunch, and went on with his day.

 

* * *

 

_A broken bottle, a clenched fist, and a crying child sitting in a corner._

_"You want more, you bitch? Or are you ready to make my dinner, like a good little housewife?" The husband slurred, pressing the broken bottle into the neck of the wife while holding her by her hair. She nodded her head as she cried, and he let go. "There's a good little girl, doing what she's told. Everyone needs a little tough love." He turned his attention to the crying child._

_"What are you crying for, hm? Are you upset that I hurt your mommy?" The father asked. The child continued crying. "Answer me when I'm talking to you." The father said in a dangerous, low growl. The child simply nodded. The father grabbed his arm and yanked him up._

_"You that upset over your mommy? Why don't you take her place then?" He laughed, dropping the broken bottle and slamming the child against the wall. The child fell, landing on the bottle. The child cried more._

_"Look at that, you've got a little booboo! Go have your mother look at it and patch you up. This'll be a good lesson; it'll toughen you up." The father said. He made his way to the couch as the child went into the kitchen. The child only cried as the mother pulled the glass out and cleaned the blood._

 

* * *

 

"Did you talk to Ryan about forming a chamber group?" Ms. Ramsey asked Ray before their rehearsal the next day. Ray chuckled.

"I haven't exactly gotten around to asking. That kid is really hard to befriend. I think I'm breaking him though."

"Is that what you call making friends? Sometimes I worry for today's youth." She laughed. As Ray finished unpacking his instrument, the door to the room opened. Ryan walked in, cello in hand.

"Ryan, hello!" Ms. Ramsey said, delighted. "Oh, I see you have your cello! Would you like to sit in on this lesson?" She asked, but he was already backing out of the room.

"Sorry, I don't want to interrupt. I'll see you later, Ray." He said quickly, basically running away from the room. Ray sighed.

"See what I mean? He's so hard to read, and I have no idea what he's thinking." Ray shook his head.

"Well, I believe you'll figure things out. You're a smart boy, and I know you'll be able to connect with him." Ms. Ramsey smiles, and she started the lesson.

  
Ryan sat outside of the door, listening to them. He heard Ray playing the violin, and was shocked at how good he was. After about 30 minutes, they took a break. Ryan really should feel bad for eavesdropping. He doesn't, but he should.

"So, Ray, how's your mother doing?" Ms. Ramsey asked. It was silent for a moment.

"She's doing well. She fell out of her chair yesterday, so I had to take care of her."

"Oh no! Please let her know that she's in my thoughts." She responded. Ryan pondered that a moment. Ray took care of his mom? Ryan remembered his middle school years, and he can't help but feel empathy. It's hard, being a teenager responsable for a parent.

"How are you doing, Ray? It's been 3 years since her accident, and I know you have taken up the responsibility since your father works so much." Ms. Ramsey said.

"It's been tough. Mom try's her hardest to pretend like everything is okay, while Dad try's his hardest to make sure he's around as little as possible. Sometimes I just want a break, you know? I probably sound really selfish for saying that..." He trailed off.

 _You aren't selfish, you idiot._ Ryan thought. Does he really believe he's selfish for wanting a break?

"You aren't selfish for wanting the normal life of a teenager, Ray. Don't even worry about that. Now, what to you want to work on?"

"The variations on Tchaikovsky would be fun right now."

"Oh? You haven't even formed a chamber group and yet you chose a chamber piece?"

"I like to think ahead." Ray laughed. Ryan blinked. Ray was forming a chamber music group?

"In any case, Geoff said that he would love to join your group. He gets extra credit for it, and you know how college can be." Ms. Ramsey laughed, and they began playing. Ryan was honestly dumbstruck at how wonderful Ray was at the violin. He could really start a career.

Ryan's trance was broken when his phone buzzed. He read the message, and cursed. He grabbed his case, racing hurriedly outside. He reluctantly texted Jack, asking for a ride home. He needed to hurry.

 

* * *

 

"So this writing assignment, are you going to write about your violin?" Rays dad asked at dinner.

"I don't know. That would be the easiest, I guess, but also super predictable." Ray responded.

"I think it would be sweet, Ray. You do have such a gift." Rays mom smiled at him, and he smiled back.

"Thanks, mom. I'll write it after dinner."

"So, any ideas on what you want for your birthday? It is a few weeks away, and I want to get you something great. 15 is so special after all, you be able to get your temps soon!" Rays dad said.

"I don't think I'll be driving, dad." He said quietly. "Anyway, I was actually hoping I could get a cello? Ms. Ramsey thinks that I'm ready for a new instrument to learn."

"I'll see what I can do, son. Sorry to leave you both so soon, but I'm very tired from all the hours I've been picking up. I'm going to go to bed early tonight." Rays dad said, leaving the table.

"Ray, do you think you can play for me again? I'd love to hear that  4 lewd piece you played."

"You mean 4 Preludes?" Ray laughed, and his mom smiled and nodded. "I'd love to play for you, mom. Let me get the table and dishes done, and I'll play a few pieces tonight."

"Thank you so much, Ray. I love you."

"I love you too, Mom."

  
After he did the dishes and played for his mother, Ray finally went up to his room and sat at his desk. He had a basic idea of what he would write, but still, he shouldn't have waited until the last second to start this assignment. Even so, he spent the next three hours writing.

As he started the last paragraph, he felt his phone buzz in his pocket. He was surprised to see that it was Ryan.

-look out of your window

Ray looked up confused, and he saw Ryan waving to him from his house. So their rooms were at the same level, and had a window facing each other. Their situation was beginning to sound more and more like a bad romance film. Ray texted him back.

-that's crazy, I can't believe our rooms are aligning like this

-another coincidence, it would appear. Are you working on your paper?

-yeah. I'm writing mine from the point of view of a violin. I'm so original

-you always did strike me as the type of person to take the path of least resistance

-that's only if I don't care about what I'm doing. When I care, I go all in

-is that why you're trying so hard with me?

That message took Ray by surprise. What the hell did that mean? He responded, blushing a little bit.

-it is indeed, my friend. Now, I gotta finish my paper, then I'm out for the night. See you tomorrow, dude

-I'll see you, tomorrow, Ray. Maybe we could both catch a ride together in the morning?

-of course, dude. I'm glad you're finally accepting my kindness

There were no further text messages, and Ray watched Ryan's light shut off. Finally, the kid is opening up to him. That was quicker than he expected.

Ray finished writing his paper, admiring the work that he did. He organized his desk, put his paper in his bag, and jumped into bed. For some reason, he dreamed of Ryan that night. For some other reason, Ray was completely fine with that.

 

* * *

 

"Alright, class, I hope you all took this assignment seriously. This is the rumored assignment that I know you've all heard about, and the two best papers get out of the midterm this year." The class seemed to immediately start giving their full attention. "Why does bribery work best with you kids. I'll never understand it." Mr. Heyman shook his head as he started to collect the papers.

"So what did you end up writing about?" Ray asked Ryan.

"I wrote a bunch, but I ultimately choose the one from the point of view of a beer bottle." Ryan mumbled, looking away.

"That's pretty cool. My dad used to drink a lot of beer. He stopped a few years ago, though."

"Same with my dad."

"Look at that, we're bonding over alcoholic fathers."

"At least yours choose to stop." Ryan had a profound gift to surprise Ray with his words. Ray can't think of a response to that, so he just shuts up and listens to the lecture.

  
"Okay, class, I'm proud that so many of you did the assignment, and actually payed attention today, so I'll make this weekends homework easy. I want you to meet up with someone in this class, and write about them. I recommend you not be rude in your writing, for you will lose points if you go to far. You may partner up yourselves. Have a good weekend."

"So, you wanna be partners?" Ray asked Ryan as they walked together.

"Yeah, we can just stare at each other through our windows." Ryan gave a small chuckle. Ray pushed away the thought of how cute his laugh was.

"Yeah, that's pretty funny that our rooms are aligned like they are. Maybe we should build a little bridge on the tree so we can sneak out to chill."

"I could arrange that, if you're serious." Ryan commented. Jesus Christ, this dude gave him so many mixed signals.

"We'll talk about it more at lunch. Have fun in calc, dude."

"Thanks. You have fun in geometry. If you ever need help with anything, let me know." Ryan said, and he walked into class.

"Ray, you look so shook right now." Michael said, laughing.

"Yeah, what happened?" Gavin asked.

"I think Ryan is opening up?" Ray responded.

"Look at Ray, the miracle worker! Is he a total asshole, even now?" Michael asked.

"No, he's really cool, actually." He was more than that, Ray just didn't know how to describe it.

"That's good, at least. Maybe he'll be cool in lunch today." Gavin responded. Ray just nodded, groaning as the teacher handed back the quizzes.

  
At lunch, Ray was actually excited for Ryan to come. Talking to him was a lot of fun, surprisingly. He isn't sure what changed in the last two days, but he's glad Ryan is talking to him now.

"Jeremy, you and Mica really gotta chill with the PDA." Michael laughed, purposefully causing them to blush.

"You leave my boo alone, Michael. Stop acting like you, Gav, and Lindsay aren't just as lovey dovey." Mica responded.

"Y-yeah! What she said!" Jeremy squeaked.

"Stop harassing them, assholes. Let them be in love." Lindsay said, walking up and kissing Michael and Gavin. "If you don't stop teasing Jeremy, maybe I just won't kiss you anymore."

"Sorry lil J." Both Gavin and Michael muttered. Lindsay smiled, satisfied as she sat down.

"Are those doughnuts?" Ryan asked, sitting down next to Ray.

"Yep! I made them this morning, they're super fresh! Want to try one!" Lindsay asked.

"I'd love to try one. Doughnuts are my favorite." Ryan said, almost eager. Ryan's whole demeanor was so different from the previous days. He actually seemed to be enjoying himself. He grabbed the chocolate glazed doughnut and took a huge bite. His eyes closed in delight.

"Holy shit, these are really good." Ryan said through a full mouth. Everyone laughed.

"I knew you'd like my baking; everyone does." Lindsay winked. "Have as many as you like, my friend."

"So, how are your classes? How's the first week of school here?" Jack asked, gabbing herself a doughnut.

"It's been an adjustment. My old school had a lot of... problems with it, and I wasn't sure if this school would be any better. It's not, really. The only difference is that I have some friends here."

"We're your friends! You said it!" Gavin said happily.

"Glad we could be the ones to help you out here, Ryan. You're pretty cool yourself." Michael said smoothly. Mica and Jeremy agreed.

"Hey, the Great Fall Sleepover is next weekend, right? Why don't we invite Ryan?" Jack suggested.

"Yeah, of course! All our friends have to come." Ray agreed.

"I'm afraid to ask, but what is the Great Fall Sleepover?" Ryan asked.

"I'm glad you asked my friend. Y'see, We've all been friends with each other for maybe 4 years now. Imagine, little 5th grade me hanging out with 9th grader Jack and 10th grader Geoff. Geoff's family is basically rich; they live in the huge house behind the college. They have everything there, and Geoff always had us come over for a sleepover in the Fall.

"It's so much fun, he's got a whole arcade, a movie room, a video game room, and even a music room!" Ray ended excitedly.

"You always get so excited about the music room." Mica laughed.  
  
"He's got electric instruments! That's so cool! Have you ever even seen an electric cello? It's so cool!"

"He has an electric cello?" Ryan asked, his eyes brightening.

"He sure does. It's black and white, and absolutely beautiful. Once he hears that you play the cello, he'll probably force you to try it out." Ray laughed. He loved seeing Ryan so passionate about something. It was amazing.

They all groaned as the bell rang, indicating the end of lunch. Ray said bye to Ryan and Lindsay, who walked away together. He saw Lindsay offering Ryan another doughnut, and Ryan eagerly accepting it. Ray smiled to himself; Ryan was starting to feel at home.

  
After school that day, Ray ran into Ryan on his way out. For once, Ryan didn't have his cello, just like Ray didn't have his violin.

"No lessons today?" Ryan asked as they walked together.

"Nope, I get every other Friday off. No cello today?"

"Nah, today's my off day. Sometimes I just need a break."  
  
"I feel that, my friend. I feel that." Ray said, pulling out his phone and preparing to ask his dad or Jack for a ride. Before he could dial a number, Ryan put his hand on Rays. Ray felt his cheeks get warm.

"Let's walk today. Neither of us have a super expensive instrument, and I want to see the sights." Ryan said. Ray nodded dumbly, and they stood their for a moment, unmoving.

"Um, your hand..." Ray squeaked. Ryan immediately jerked away, rubbing the back of his neck. They began walking.

"I'm… sorry about the way I treated you the first day we met, and going into the next. That was really shitty of me." Ryan mumbled. Ray was taken aback; he wasn't expecting an apology.

"It's alright, dude. It must've been hard, making the adjustment."

"Even so, I shouldn't have treated you like I did. I'm really sorry."

"All is forgiven, but you have to come over sometime to play video games. Then I'll say we're even."

"Sounds like a plan."

 

* * *

 

The next week seemed to fly by, Ray and his group excited for the fall sleepover. Ryan had been opening up more and more, letting his true personality shine through. Ray really liked Ryan, he was super smart, super funny, and almost as good at video games as he was. Almost.

"Dude, I'm so excited! I got Mario party for us to play, as well as Mario Kart." Mica said happily.

"Once we're done with those kid games, I brought Mortal Kombat." Ray laughed.

"I have all three Jackbox Party Packs, that would be fun too." Ryan added in.

"Ryan, with the assist! This weekend is going to be so much fun!" Michael yelped out. "When's Jack going to be here, anyway?"

"She said she'd be about another 5 minutes. She's helping Geoff set up this year. I can't wait to see him, Geoff's been in college for three months now. You think he's changed?" Ray asked. Gavin shook his head.

"No way he's changed, he's too stubborn for that." Everyone nodded in agreement.

Everyone kept on with idle conversation, but Ray noticed that Ryan was unusually quiet.

"Hey, you okay?" He asked him quietly. Ryan nodded.

"Yeah, just not used to spending so much time away from home." He muttered. Ray placed a hand on Ryan's shoulder.

"Hey, don't worry. If anything happens, we can have Jack or Ms. Ramsey take you home, alright?" Ray said. Ryan nodded and Ray smiled at him. "You'll have a lot of fun, I promise."

"Hey, dickweeds! Come on so we can hurry back to my place!" They all heard a voice yell from outside. Sure enough, Geoff and Jack were outside sitting in a _limo_  of all things. Definitely not what Ryan was expecting, judging by the look on his face.

"Hey, Geoff! It's good to see you, buddy!" Jeremy said as they all piled into the limo.

"Good to see all you guys too. Now, who's the newbie?" Geoff asked, gesturing to Ryan.

"Geoff, I'd like you to meet Ryan Haywood. Ryan, this is Geoff. He's an asshole." Ray introduced.

"Hey!"

"It's nice to meet you, Geoff. Thanks for letting me tag along." Ryan said quietly.

"It's no problem, dude. Any friend of these assholes is a friend of mine. You'll love it at my house, Ryan. It's going to blow your mind." Geoff said, smiling

He was right; as they arrived at Geoff's house, Ryan looked ahead in awe.

"It's so big!" He exclaimed. "Who needs a house this big?"

"My dad basically owns all of this town. It has its perks." Geoff laughed at Ryan's awe. "Let's get inside; it gets even better."

  
After a few hours of video games and Ryan being in absolute awe of the house, Geoff took him and Ray to the music room.

"I can't believe you play the cello, Ryan." Geoff said, nodding approvingly. "I want to see what you've got."

"Oh, I'm not that good..." Ryan mumbled, rubbing his arm.

"Nonsense; I've heard him play before. His playing is absolutely wonderful." Ray said. Ryan gave him a dirty glare as he walked to the cello. It wasn't the electric one, but Jesus _Christ_ it was a good cello. It felt natural in his hands, and with ease, he began to play.

He wasn't too sure what his hands decided to play, as he was too enveloped in the music, but he believes it was an Arensky piece. In any case, he let his hands do everything for him, letting himself dissolve into the music.

When he finished, he looked up to see Ray and Geoff seemingly in a trance. Ray had a faint smile on his face. It was Geoff who snapped out of it first.

"Dude, holy _shit._  You have to be the best cellist I've ever heard, and I'm a Performance major." Geoff said in awe. "You have such a talent for this. How long have you been playing?"

"About 9 years." Ryan answered, blushing furiously. He wasn't used to compliments, especially not compliments on his music.

"You've been playing since the first grade? Shit!" Ray exclaimed. Ryan blushed even more.

"Dude, you have to join our chamber group." Geoff said.

"Geoff, come on." Ray groaned. He didn't want to bring it up so soon.

"Why not? We need a cellist, and obviously Ryan has the talent for it! He's perfect for the job!"

"Don't feel pressured by Geoff; if you don't want to join up, you don't have to." Ray told Ryan. Ryan was silent for a moment, deep in thought.

"I'll have to think about it. I'm not sure if my schedule will allow me to join a music group right now." Ryan answered. Geoff was about to protest, but Ray hit him.

"No worries, dude. Take all the time you need." He smiled, and Ryan gave a small smile back.

A few more hours passed, and everyone was almost ready for 'bed' (bed meaning continuing to play video games, but in their pajamas). Ryan made his way to the bathroom, ready to change, and opened the door.

Inside, he saw Michael. His shirt was off, revealing the binder he wore. Michael yelped out in surprise.

"Sorry." Ryan said hurriedly as he tried to close the door, but he instead found himself being pulled inside of the bathroom.

"Fucking hell, this is just fucking great." Michael muttered, pacing around the large bathroom as Ryan sat on the floor. "You cant fucking tell anyone this!"

"Why would I tell anyone? This isn't something that is my place to tell." Ryan said sincerely. Even so, Michael remained skeptical.

"I had to move here because a 'friend' at my last school fucking told everyone that I was actually a girl. Someone I knew for years spread around that I was a girl basically the moment I told her. Sorry if I'm a little fucking skeptical of someone who I met last week."

"You don't have to worry about me outing you, Michael. I would never do that." Ryan assured. "I understand; I know how shitty it is, having to hide a part of who you are in order to stay safe."

"How could you possibly understand?" Michael asked, sounding close to tears.

"I'm trans, too." Ryan admitted. Michael's head jerked to his direction. "After my mom left my dad, she was able to let me start transitioning. I was lucky enough to start before puberty." Ryan explained. "I've avoided many relationships because I'm trans. One of my old boyfriends ended up being a huge transphobe and broke up with me the day I told him. Many of my old friends made fun of me when I told them.

"I decided that I wouldn't tell anyone, just so I could maybe get some real friends. I didn't exactly want to tell anyone here, but I feel like this situation called for it."

"You... you're..." Michael stuttered.

"It's okay, Michael. Your secret is safe with me, and I trust my secret is safe with you. I do have a question, though. Does anyone in the group know?" Ryan asked. Michael was silent for a moment.

"Both Lindsay and Gavin know, and now you. But that's it. I don't want anyone else knowing. I know that everyone would be very supportive, but..." Michael trailed off.

"I understand, Michael. You don't have to explain yourself. But, make sure you don't sleep in that. It's very dangerous."  
  
"This isn't my first sleepover, asshole. I always take it off after everyone goes to sleep and I wake up early to put it back on again." Michael rolled his eyes as Ryan got up to leave. "Hey Ryan?" Ryan turned and looked at him. "Thank you."

"No problem, dude. After all, what are friends for?"

 

* * *

 

_"I will not fucking have this! My daughter is just that; my daughter!" The father screamed, beer bottle in hand._

_"Stop screaming, you're scaring him." The mother said in defiance. She isn't sure where this newfound strength and courage came from, but she's thankful she has it. Her son needs her protection right now._

_"I'm scaring her, huh? Well, she should be scared! Walking around, acting like she's a boy. And you! You're just letting her do this!" The father roared._

_"If you won't accept your son, then maybe we should just leave. We have put up with your abuse for 9 years, it's time we got away."_

_"You will take my daughter nowhere!" The father screamed, taking his bottle and throwing it at the sons head. It hit with a sickening crack, and the son collapsed onto the ground. The mother immediately picked the son up and ran out of the front door, turning her head to scream._

_"You miserable man, I hope you choke on the beer you drink!"_

_After the mother and son are away, the mother takes the son to the hospital. It took the son 2 days to wake up._

_"Good morning, son." The mother said, smiling. The son asked what happened. "You and I left your father, and now we are going far away from here. We are going to go somewhere where you can get what you need as a boy, alright? Before all of that, you need a new name. Did you have one in mind?" The mother asked. The son thought a moment before speaking._

_"Stuck between James and Ryan, huh? Well, why not both? James Ryan Haywood. That way, you can choose which name you use!" The child smiled and laughed with excitement. "Now rest, son. We have a long trip ahead of us."_

 

* * *

 

The next morning, Ray woke up unusually early. They had stayed up really late playing games, and just the thought made Ray smile. He has watched Ryan intently when they all played, loving how much fun he was having.

Ray got up, noticing that both Geoff and Michael were awake and out of the room. When he went to the kitchen, he found them there drinking coffee.

"Holy shit, Ray's awake before noon! It's a Christmas miracle!" Geoff feigned shock. Michael laughed.

"Shut up, asshole. You have any tea?" Ray asked, stirring down at the table.

"Always keep a box of tea for you, dude. Here ya go." Geoff responded, handing Ray a tea bag, the hot kettle, and a mug.

"That Ryan kid sure is something else." Geoff said absentmindedly.

"Yeah, but he's really cool. I'm glad we're friends with him." Michael said in response.

"Really? I've never heard you say that about anyone." Ray laughed, and Michael blushed.

"I just had a conversation with him last night, and we bonded. He's a good kid."

"I try my best." They heard from behind them. They all turned their heads to see Ryan walking in.

"You've gotta stop doing that." Ray laughed.

"Good morning, Mr. Haywood. Coffee or tea?" Geoff asked.

"Tea, please." Ryan answered, sitting down next to Ray.

"Another one who drinks tea? Where do you find these kids, Ray?" Geoff asked.

"In the music room, It would seem." Ray laughed in response. Ryan chuckled along with him.

"Those who are musically inclined do tend to have a sense of hipsterness, in some way. Like Geoff and his moustache." Ryan said.

"Hey, my moustache is a work of art." Geoff grumbled.

"Amazing how a freshman in college could pull off such a hipster looking moustache."

"I don't think I like you anymore."

"Aw, don't be like that, Geoff. It just reenforces that you're a hipster."

"Ray, you sure do know how to pick your friends." Geoff mumbled, drinking his coffee.

"I try my best." Ray responded with a smile.

"Oh, hey, I have a surprise for the both of you." Geoff started. "I talked to my mom, and she agrees with me that the electric violin and electric cello would be put to much better use if the both of you were to take them." Ray choked on his tea a little bit.

"Are you serious?" He asked.

"100%. I'm perfectly content with my viola, and those instruments are just collecting dust. My mom and I both agreed that it would be better if they had someone to play them."

"I... I can't accept this, Geoff. Thank you so much, but I can't just take an electric cello for _free_." Ryan said quietly, looking down.

"You think it's for free? No, you misunderstand. You'll be given the instruments, but in order to keep them, you have to preform a concert."

"A concert?" Ray questioned.

"Yep. UT is hosting its annual music fest, and they always have young instrumentalists come in and play. If you want these instruments, you'll be entered into the contest they have for string players."

"We'll be against each other?" Ryan asked.

"If you want. You also could perform a duet. They've never had a duet both have electric instruments before, so that would be cool." Geoff said. Ray looked at Ryan for a moment before speaking.

"I'm down if you are." He said.

"I've never been able to preform in front of an audience. I think it'll be a good experience." Ryan said. Geoff cheered.

"Nice! I'll call my mom to let her know; she can help you two prepare!" He said, walking out of the kitchen.

"You two and your music." Michael chuckled, shaking his head. "So passionate about a hunk of wood."

"You don't play an instrument, so you wouldn't understand. Music evokes a different kind of passion." Ryan responded. He turned his attention to Ray. "Of all the people I could have met first and befriended, I'm glad it was you."

That certainly caught Ray off guard. "I'm glad I was able to help get you out of your shell."

"No, I mean it, Ray. I'm not used to having people try so hard for me; thank you so much."

"Anytime, Ryan, anytime." Ray said, and he meant it, 110%.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will be from Ryan's perspective, and it will feature references to self harm, as well as descriptions, so please keep this in mind.


	2. Player 2, Start

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan is trying his best to be happy. It's hard, but maybe it will get better. He does have his friends behind him, after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for self harm and child abuse this chapter. This chapter will have the last flashback reference to Ryan's abuse, and there will be only minimal mention in future chapters. The self harm will be brought up and described in future chapters.

_"Come on out, daughter dearest." Ryan heard a voice whisper out. He remained deathly silent.  
  
"Do not call my son your daughter." His mother said coldly. She would protect him; she always protected him.   
  
All of a sudden, Ryan was pulled out of his hiding spot, his father grabbing him roughly by his arm. Ryan's head hurt at the sudden bright light.   
  
"Mother can't protect you anymore, daughter dearest. Say goodnight." His father whispered, a knife appearing in his bloody hand. He took it, and stabbed it into Ryan's heart, then dropped him on the ground.   
  
As Ryan landed, he saw his mother across the room, on the ground. Her eyes were vacant, no light in them whatsoever. Even so, her mouth moved and she spoke.   
  
"It's your fault, Ryan. You're the reason why." She croaked out.   
  
"No... I did my best..." Ryan whispered.   
  
"It's your fault I'm dead." _   
  
  
Ryan shot up in his bed, a cold sweat running down his face. There it was again; the one nightmare that never seemed to go away. He already knew that it was his fault, why did his subconscious have to remind him all the time?   
  
He got up and went to his closet. He pulled out a small black box from under a pile of clothes; he had to hid it better after the close call with his aunt. Can't have her finding out, can he?   
  
He opened up the box, and pulled out a razor blade. It was beginning to rust on one side; he'd have to go and buy a new one. He looked at the razor in his hand, staring at the sharp blade. Just one more, he told himself, just one more tonight.   
  
It never was just one.   
  
He took the blade to his wrist, avoiding the current scabs there. He counted. One, two, three, four. Four new ones. He watched the blood slowly ooze out of the fresh wounds, somehow satisfied and dissatisfied at the same time. He went to the bathroom and washed his wrist.   
  
"No more after this." He whispered to himself. "You have good friends now. They care about you; you don't have to do this anymore."   
  
And yet, you know you do. A voice said in the back of his head. He ignored it, dried his wrist off, and went back to his room. He neatly packed away the razor blade, staring at the box only a little bit before returning it to its hiding spot. He tried his best to go back to sleep, but it was restless. 

* * *

  
"Alright, class. I've finally gotten all of your papers read and assessed." Mr. Heyman said in class the next day. "While I am overall impressed with the writings you all are able to come up with, there in fact were two that I had graded early on that I knew would be chosen.   
  
"Congratulations to Ray and Ryan; your papers were so eloquently written, it was easy for me to forget that they weren't professional. I'd also like to talk to you more after class. Good job; you both get out of the mid term. Which reminds me..." as Mr. Heyman continued to explain the midterm, Ray turned to Ryan.   
  
"Dude, congrats! Now we can skip the fist two hours on midterm day!" Ray whispered happily. Ryan gave a small smile back, but didn't look him in the eyes. "Something wrong, dude?" Ray asked, concerned. Ryan nodded his head.   
  
"Yeah, I'm good. Just didn't get a good nights sleep last night. I'll be better tomorrow, I promise." Ryan said softly, rubbing his wrist lightly. Ray nodded and turned his attention back to the teacher. Ryan had no reason to do what he did. Ray cared about him; he had people who cared about him.   
  
_You know that's not true, Ryan_. the voice told him. He ignored it, as always. The bell rang, and he and Ray sat as they waited for the class to clear out.   
  
"Okay, you two, I have a proposition for you." Mr. Heyman started, "There is a writing contest the state does every year where students submit their writing to a contest. There's state, regional, national, and international levels. I believe that you two have a very real chance at winning at least the regional level. I'd like your permission to submit your papers."   
  
"You think our writing is that good?" Ryan asked, a bit shocked.   
  
"Of course. I've known Ray had a gift, and I'm happy to see that you have a gift, too. If it helps you decide, there is a monetary prize for winning at each level."   
  
Ryan and Ray looked at each other, both of them seeming to form the same plan; if they win, they'll split the money.   
  
"We'll do it," they said in unison. Mr. Heyman beamed.   
  
"Fantastic! I'll keep you two updated. Do you need a pass to your next class?"   
  
"No, thanks, Mr. Heyman. See you tomorrow." Ray responded, and he and Ryan started walking to their next class.   
  
"You want to come over after lessons today? I just got a new game: Final Fantasy XV. It looks really cool and I thought we could play it and talk about what piece we'll play at the music festival." Ray said, smiling.   
  
"I'd like that a lot, Ray. Do you think I could sit in on your lesson? I have my cello sitting in the office so I'd love to maybe play with you. Plus Ms. Ramsey seems really cool."   
  
"Dude, hell yeah! Im glad you'll finally get to hear me play; I've heard you twice now, it's only fair I play for you." Ray laughed. "I'll see you at lunch, dude."   
  
"See you later, Ray." Ryan gave a small smile back as he walked into his math class.   
  
"Hey, Ryan! What's up?" Jack said happily. Ryan sat down next to her.   
  
"Nothing much. Didn't get a lot of sleep last night so I'm not feeling 100%." Ryan responded.   
  
"Oh, I'm sorry, dude. I hope your day gets better and you get some sleep tonight." Jack said, placing a comforting hand on Ryan's shoulder and rubbing a little bit.   
  
"Look, the new kid must be gay with that guy touching him like that." A boy from behind him said with a smirk. His friends snickered as Ryan turned around.   
  
"I'm sorry, we're you saying something?" Ryan asked, looking lazily at the ring leader.   
  
"Ryan, just let it go. They aren't worth your time." Jack said quietly.   
  
"Listen to your boyfriend, Ryan. We don't want anyone getting hurt, now do we?" The boy said.   
  
"I don't want to start anything, I just want you to apologize for misgendering Jack. She's a girl, and you should treat her as such." Ryan said calmly.   
  
"I don't know what you're smoking, but that thing is not a girl. He's got a penis, and his name is Jack, so he's a boy."   
  
"I'm going to give you one more chance." Ryan said, his voice ice cold. He stood up and loomed over the boys desk. "Apologize to her. Now."   
  
"Yeah? Why don't you make me, you little bitch." He responded with a smirk. A second later, a fist collided with his nose, effectively breaking it.   
  
"Ryan!" Jack yelped. The teacher walked in a second later.   
  
"What is the meaning of this?" She demanded.   
  
"Ryan just got up and punched me in the face out of nowhere!" The boy said, clutching his bloody nose. "I think he broke my nose!"   
  
"Ryan, why did you punch him?" The teacher asked.   
  
"He was being transphobic and wouldn't apologize." Ryan said simply.   
  
"Go to the principals office, Mr. Haywood. We have a no violence policy at this school." The teacher said shortly. Oh, so even their teacher was a transphobe. "Jack, you go with him. No doubt you were involved too." She muttered. Ryan and Jack grabbed their bags and headed to the front office.   
  
"I cannot fucking handle transphobia. That was so unnecessary." Ryan seethed.   
  
"It's alright, Ryan. I'm used to it by now." Jack said softly.   
  
"You shouldn't have to be used to it, Jack. Why are people such assholes that they see you, and immediately _still_  misgender you? It's not fucking fair!" Ryan punched a locker.   
  
"Dude, really, it's okay." Jack told him. When they walked into the office, they saw Ms. Ramsey there.   
  
"Oh, hello Jack. Hello Ryan." She greeted. "What are you two doing here?"   
  
"We got sent to the office because I punched a transphobe in the face." Ryan said simply.   
  
"Oh no, did they start again, Jack?" Ms. Ramsey asked, a fire lighting in her eyes not so different from Ryan's.     
  
"Just an offhanded comment, then he wouldn't stop." Jack admitted.   
  
"Well, I'm sorry your teacher is horrible about this as well. We really need to fix some things around here..." Ms. Ramsey mumbled. "I have to go, but don't worry about this. Mr. Hullum is very understanding." She gave them a smile before walking out.   
  
"You both can just go right in." The person at the front desk told them, and they complied. They both walked into the office where Mr. Hullum was on the phone.   
  
"Ah, they just came into my office. I'll be sure to get the full story from the both of them." He said, hanging up the phone. "Hello, Ryan, hello Jack. Please sit down." He motioned to the chairs in front of his desk.   
  
"Hello, Mr. Hullum. How are you?" Jack asked politely.   
  
"Oh, I'm good. How are you two? How are you adjusting to life here, Ryan?" He asked.   
  
"I could go without the blatant homophobia and transphobia, but other than that it's great."   
  
"Yeah, it does really fucking suck, pardon my language." Mr. Hullum said. "I'm trying to get better Title IX rules put in place here, but the higher ups are resisting it."   
  
"That does fucking suck."   
  
"Anyway, your teacher let me know their side of the situation. The kid you punched claimed that you did so without provocation, and everyone else in the class agrees with him. What's your side of the story?"   
  
"The asshole was misgendering Jack and I can't tolerate people who do that." Ryan responded.   
  
"It's true; this is the same boy that bullied me before." Jack said quietly. Mr. Hullum looked at her with sympathy.   
  
"Well, you know that you are welcomed here any time you'd like to talk. And let me know if it becomes worse. Better yet, let Ryan know. He seems to be able to handle himself." Mr. Hullum chuckled. "I technically can't let you go without punishment, since you did break the kids nose, so you'll both be doing Saturday detention."   
  
"Aw man, I was going to get the new Pokémon game on Saturday..." Jack grumbled. Mr. Hullum laughed.   
  
"I'm sure Geoff will drop it off to you. Have a good day, you two." He told them, and Ryan and Jack walked out.   
  
"Do we just go back to class? I don't really want to." Ryan asked. Jack shook her head.   
  
"Nah, we can just sit in the hallway until the bell rings." She responded. They both sat down, sitting in a comfortable silence for a bit. It was Jack who spoke up first.   
  
"Thank you, for defending me in class. I used to have the safety net of Geoff here, so they weren't so upfront with their transphobia. Now that Geoff's in college, it looks like they're gonna be more open about it." Jack looked down sadly.   
  
"Hey, don't even worry about them. I'll punch them every day if I have to. I will not let them disrespect you like this." Ryan responded. Jack positioned herself and laid her head on Ryan's lap. She closed her eyes.   
  
"You really are a great friend, you know that? I'm glad we met you." Jack told him. Ryan was taken aback; he certainly wasn't expecting that.   
  
"I'm not that great." He told her. He really wasn't. He was a mentally ill mess of a human being, how could he be a good friend to anyone when he couldn't even be good to himself?   
  
"No, but you are. I can tell you're struggling with something that you aren't ready to tell us about, and yet, you still find a way to smile every day. You still find a way to be there for the people you care about. I've noticed that you and Michael have been closer since the sleepover, so I know you and him talked about something personal; that's how Michael connects with people.   
  
"Somehow, even though you struggle with your inner demons, you still find ways to make the people around you happy. That's really admirable in my eyes. I just hope that you find a way to make yourself happy, too."   
  
"I... I think I'm getting there." Ryan said softly. Jack opened her eyes when she felt something wet hit her face, and she found that Ryan was crying. She wordlessly sat up and embraced him.   
  
"I love you, Ryan. We all do, and we care about you a lot. When you're ready, we'll always be here to listen." Jack said to him. Ryan's response was only to hold on tighter.

* * *

"You punched him in the face?!" Jeremy yelped out. Their whole squad sat around the lunch table, eager for the juicy details.   
  
"Well yeah, I'm not gonna just idly sit by while someone misgenders my friend. The asshole wouldn't apologize, so he got what was coming to him." Ryan stated.   
  
"That was really cool of you to do, dude. You really are a good friend." Ray smiled, patting Ryan on the back. His hand lingered on his shoulder.   
  
_Oh fuck_. Ryan thought. What was that? Was he imagining things, or was Ray just lingering a moment? Did Ray like him? 

_You know he doesn't. Why would he like you?_ The voice echoed.   
  
"Anytime. If any of you have any trouble, call me and I'll kick the shit out of anyone who messes with you."  
  
"Our own personal bodyguard. You and Michael could team up." Lindsay joked.   
  
"The two of us could kick any bullies ass!" Michael said, punching the air. Ryan chuckled, and he noticed that Ray's arm was not only around him now, but had been for almost the entire conversation. He felt his cheeks get red.   
  
"Look, Ray's hugging Ryan!" Gavin squawked.   
  
"Would you look at that, Ryan's even blushing!" Lindsay laughed.   
  
"I think it's adorable." Mica said. Jeremy nodded their head in agreement. Perhaps it was out of sheer embarrassment, or maybe he himself had not noticed until it was pointed out, but Ray quickly let go of Ryan's shoulder.   
  
"Sorry, dude." He mumbled.   
  
"It's no problem." Ryan answered back. He really wished Ray would hold him again; he really did feel safe in his arms. Like nothing bad could happen to him. It was exactly in that moment that the realization hit.  
  
He really did like Ray.   
  
  
"You ready for your first official lesson here, Ry?" Ray asked later that day. Instruments in hand, they both made their way to the music room.   
  
"Yeah, I think it'll be fun. You have any idea what piece to play for Geoff's thing?" Ryan questioned. Ray shook his head.   
  
"Not a clue. Ms. Ramsey will help with that though. She's the best, and she's an amazing teacher. I've been getting lessons from her for 5 years."  
  
"I look forward to learning from her." Ryan said sincerely.   
  
They walked in a comfortable silence to the music room, where Ms. Ramsey was waiting.   
  
"Oh, Ryan!" She said in surprise. "Are you here for a lesson?"   
  
"Yes, ma'am, if you'll let me." Ryan said timidly. Ms. Ramsey beamed.   
  
"Of course! I was hoping you come to a lesson with Ray here; he really is talented."  
  
"You should hear Ryan. He's been playing for 8 years!" Ray said excitedly.   
  
"You started young, then? Let's hear you play something. Anything you'd like." She sat herself down comfortably and awaited Ryan to start playing.   
  
Ryan slowly unpacked his cello, slightly nervous. He hoped his jacket sleeve wouldn't pull up while he played. He had his back to Ray and Ms. Ramsey, but he felt them looking at him; their gazes were burning his back. He sat down in the chair next to him, and he began to play.   
  
Again, Ryan got lost in the music, unaware of what his fingers started playing. He felt the strings beneath his fingers, felt himself sway to what he was playing. The music filled the room, and it swirled through him.   
  
He thought of his mother. She was so happy the day he decided to take on the cello; She was always so supportive of him. He really wished she could hear him now. He had worked harder to perfect his playing since she died, and Ryan wondered if she was proud of him.   
  
As he continued playing, he heard another instrument join in. Without opening his eyes, he knew Ray had gotten his violin and started to play with him. The music they made together came almost naturally, and it just felt right. It was their very first time playing together, and yet it sounded like they had been partners for years. It felt like they were seeing an old friend for the first time. Their music had taken on life, and it danced around the room as the song continued on, changing tempos now and again.   
  
Ryan knew the end of the song was coming, and if he were being honest, he didn't want it to be over. Even so, they played on, and with a final note, the music that had been given life was put in its slumber once again.   
  
Ryan opened his eyes, and looked at Ray. That's all he could do, just look at the boy in front of him. Ray stared back, each of them wearing the same perplexed expression, each one thinking the same thing:  
  
_Why are you crying?_  
  
Ms. Ramsey spoke up first, scaring Ryan slightly. He turned and looked at her as she spoke.   
  
"Ryan," she said softly, wiping tears away herself. "That was, by far, one of the best performances I have ever heard."  
  
"Thank you-" Ryan started, but he was stopped.   
  
"You didn't let me finish. That was one of the best performances before Ray joined in. When you two played together, that pushed it over the top. You two have such a chemistry together, one that I have never seen before. That piece you were playing, what was it?"   
  
" _Handel-Halvirsen: Passacaglia._ " Ray answered. Ryan turned and looked at him. "I learned the violin part on my own last year. I've always wanted to meet a cello player to play it with." He said, flashing Ryan a small smile. Ryan blushed in response.   
  
"That is the song I want the both of you to perform at the UT Music Fest. I believe with this song, you two will easily make it the finals."  
  
"Finals?" Ryan asked, giving her a questioning look. She looked from him to Ray, who also gave her a blank look. She sighed.   
  
"Of course Geoff didn't tell you." She said, shaking her head. "The Music Fest has a competition, which is what you both will be entering. There's three levels, and you'll need three different pieces. I can help you pick out the other two pieces, of course." Ms. Ramsey explained. "If you two win, there's a $5,000 prize."  
  
"$5,000?!" Ryan and Ray yelped simultaneously. That certainly wasn't expected.   
  
"Maybe even more, depending on if the Music Fest gets more sponsors. Now, I believe we have a lesson to get to. Ryan, are you a fan of Tchaikovsky?"  
  
  
After the rehearsal, Ryan and Ray waited in front of the school for Jack to come get them. She had told them that she would be about 10 minutes, so they sat on the ground and talked.   
  
"I can't believe you knew how to play Passacaglia; it's such a hard piece, I didn't think I'd find anyone who could play it. Or if I did find someone, I never imagined that they would play it perfectly." Ray told him. Ryan rubbed the back of his neck, blushing a bit.   
  
"I'm just as impressed with you. You are so skilled, you taught _yourself_ how to play that piece. I had to work with my private lessons teacher for 6 months before I could even think about playing the fast sections." He laughed. "That Tchaikovsky piece was really fun, what was it called?"  
  
"It's the Finale of a four movement piece. It's for string orchestra, but I think we made do with only two instruments." Ray said. "Don't tell anyone I told you this, but Michael has been trying to get a bass so that he can learn, and Mica plays the violin as well, so I think I may ask them to join the chamber group."  
  
"Mica plays violin?" Ryan questioned. He didn't think anyone else in their group had liked to play music.   
  
"Sure does. Her dad is kinda loaded with money, so she gets lessons in the city every Sunday. She never plays for us, but the one time we got to hear her, she was great."   
  
"That doesn't shock me; she always did seem like the music type."  
  
"Yeah, and I know Michael will pick up the bass quickly. He already knows electric guitar and electric bass, he'll just have to get used to stand up."  
  
"I'm glad I met you guys." Ryan said suddenly. Ray looked surprised.   
  
"I'm glad we met you, too. You're really cool to hang with." Ray responded.   
  
"I just... I never would have imagined that I would get such an amazing group of friends so soon after moving here. You guys are the best, and I love you so much." Just as Ryan finished his sentence, Jack pulled up in her car.   
  
"Hey, you two! Get in so I can get you home. Sorry I'm so late." She apologized as they got in the car.   
  
"It's not a problem, Jack. Me and Ryan were having a nice conversation before you so rudely interrupted us." Ray joked.   
  
"You want to walk?"  
  
"You came at the perfect time and you're the best."  
  
"That's more like it." Jack laughed. "You excited for your birthday on Friday?"  
  
"You know it! I'm still working out the details for the party, but I should have it all set and done by Wednesday." Ray responded.   
  
"Your birthday is Friday?" Ryan asked. Ray nodded. "Good to know."  
  
"If you get me anything, I'll fight you."  
  
"I'd win."  
  
"He's right." Jack chuckled.   
  
"Hey Ry, you wanna hang out on Saturday? I'll probably be getting some cool games for my birthday, so we can play them all day together." Ray asked.   
  
"That sounds really, really fun, but I can't. Jack and I have detention on Saturday, remember?"  
  
"Oh yeah, you punched a transphobe in the face. Shit." Ray muttered. "Guess we'll have to get detention again."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Any time any of us gets detention, we all usually try and get it so we can still be together." Jack explained.   
  
"That's actually really sweet." Ryan said in amazement. He had never met a group of people who were so caring for one another. It was nice, to see such good friends.   
  
"Alright, here we are. I'll see you two tomorrow morning, okay?" Jack said.   
  
"Thanks Jack, see you tomorrow!" Ray responded.   
  
"Thank you, and see you." Ryan said. They waved as Jack drove off.   
  
"Alright, I'll go get everything prepped while you drop your stuff off at your house. See you in a sec!" Ray said happily as he ran into his house. Ryan smiled as he walked to his own house and opened the door.   
  
"Oh, Ryan! You're back!" His aunt said happily.   
  
"Hello Aunt Kathleen. How was your day today?" He asked politely as he set his bags down.   
  
"Oh, work was work as usual. Though I did find out that I get some extra vacation days next month. Maybe we could go on a little trip?"   
  
"That'd be fun, Aunt Kathleen. Hey, I'm going to Ray's house to hang out, that okay?"  
  
"You already know it is, Ryan. I'm so glad you have a close friend here. Have you told him anything yet?"  
  
"Not yet, Aunt Kathleen. You know I don't like to talk about it. About any of it, or that matter."  
  
"I know, but I think you should tell him, at least that you're trans. I know he, along with that group of yours, would understand immediately."  
  
"I know they would too, but... It's just weird. I'll see you later, Aunt Kathleen." Ryan said, turning and walking out the door. He wanted to tell them he was trans, and he wanted to tell Ray everything. He just didn't know how.   
  
_You know they'd drop you if you ever told them_. The voice told him. His anxiety voice sure did love to fuck with him. He ignored it as he knocked on Ray's door. It opened in a heartbeat.  
  
"Ryan! Come on in, dude. I can't believe it took us this long to get you inside of my house." Ray said, laughing as he basically pulled Ryan through the door. "Mom, Ryan's here!" He said excitedly as he pulled Ryan into the kitchen.   
  
Inside, Ryan saw Ray's mom, sitting in her wheelchair as she mixed something in a bowl. Her face lit up as she saw Ryan and Ray.   
  
"Oh, you are the Ryan my little Ray has been going on and on about!" She beamed. "Hello, Ryan, I'm Alice. It's so wonderful to finally meet you!"   
  
"It's nice to meet you, too, Mrs. Narvaez." Ryan said politely. So this is what Ray meant when he had said that he takes care of his mom.  
  
"We're gonna be in the living room playing Final Fantasy, so just yell for me if you need my help, alright?" Ray told her. She nodded and shooed them off.   
  
"Dude, I am so excited to play this!" Ray said happily.   
  
"Yeah, I think it'll be really fun." Ryan agreed. "Hey, if you don't mind me asking..."  
  
"You want to know why she's in a chair?" Ray finished for him. Ryan nodded silently. "Simple; drunk driving accident. Paralyzed my mom from the waist down and gave me a really nasty scar on my back. It could have been worse, could have been better. I try not to dwell on it too much."  
  
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have brought it up." Ryan said quietly.   
  
"No, it's alright. But now you have to tell me something deep and personal about you. It's only fair, right?"  
  
_Just tell him about your mom. Just do it. You don't even have to go into detail, just tell him. You'll feel better if you do._  Ryan thought to himself. It was hard, but he somehow found the strength to speak.   
  
"My... my mom is dead." He whispered. "She was killed in a car accident. Drunk driver."   
  
"Oh fuck, I'm so sorry, Ryan. Listen, let's not talk about it anymore, at least for now. Let's have a good time together, alright? My mom is making us doughnuts right now, so let's play some video games while we wait." Ray said.  
  
"Yeah, sounds great. What's your favorite Final Fantasy game?" Ryan asked. Ray began to answer, and Ryan focused on him. Not on what he was saying, per say, but just how he looked. He noticed that Ray's brown eyes seemed to sparkle whenever he was talking about video games, kind of like how they shine when he talks about music. Ryan loved how passionate Ray got about things; it was refreshing to see. Maybe he could get that passionate about something again.   
  
"-and yeah, the story in 13 wasn't the best according to everyone else, but I loved it a lot." Ray finished.  
  
"Dude, 13 was amazing." Ryan agreed.   
  
"I knew you were great, but you just surpassed everyone else on the friend scale." Ray laughed. Ryan had an overwhelming urge to grab Ray's hand. He instead grabbed the controller.   
  
"Cool, then I get to go first."  
  
"Well fine then, but when you die we switch."  
  
"Of course, I'm not some sort of heathen who doesn't follow game etiquette."

* * *

Ray's birthday party was a lot of fun, even though it was rather loud. Ray had apparently saved up allowance money to be able to get a party room at an arcade. It was easier to afford since Lindsay would have killed him had he gotten anyone else to make his cake, and Ryan's aunt insisted on buying little things like party favors. All Ray had to pay for was the room and the food and drinks.   
  
"Dude, why aren't you out there playing on the machines?" Lindsay asked, her and Gavin sitting down next to him.   
  
"It's just a little bit loud, I need some quiet before I can go back out there." Ryan responded. He really didn't like being around loud noises for long amounts of time.   
  
"I get that, Gav and I here are the same way. I get really bad migraines and Gav just hates noise in general." Lindsay said. Gavin nodded.   
  
"Too much noise makes me irritated, and I wanna make sure I'm as happy as I can be. It is Ray's 15th after all."   
  
"Yeah. Sometimes I forget that you guys are younger than me; that only Jack is older. When she graduates, I'm going to become the responsible one." Ryan thought out loud.   
  
"Well, we'll always need a dad friend. I'd say you can be our mom friend, but that'll be Jack for eternity." Gavin laughed.   
  
"Hey, Ryan, I just wanted to let you know that Michael told us what happened. At the Fall Sleepover." Lindsay started. Ryan's breath hitched a moment.   
  
_Oh my god did he out me to them._ Ryan panicked slightly.   
  
"He told us how you found him, and how you were super understanding of his situation and how you are a really good friend. I just wanted to thank you for that. You're the first person here he's told outside of me and Gav, and he's been feeling a lot better about himself since he told you." Lindsay smiled, and Ryan's breathing calmed down. Of course Michael didn't out him, Michael was too good of a friend for that.   
  
"It's not a problem at all. What are friends for, after all?" Ryan responded.   
  
The three of them sat there making idle conversation for about 5 minutes before their other friends started spilling into the room.   
  
"It's time to open presents!" Geoff exclaimed. Everyone sat around the big table, and Geoff and Jack carried all the presents to it. "Now, Ray, which one would you like to open first?"   
  
"The one from you and Jack." He said, taking the biggest one. He ripped the paper off, and opened the box. "Holy shit! This is an HTC Vive!"   
  
"We knew you'd love a VR machine, plus this gives us even more of an excuse to come over to your house." Jack smiled.   
  
"You fucking know it! Dad said that the basement should be done by Christmas, and it'll have a gaming room, so this is perfect! Thank you two so much!" Ray cheered. "Okay, now who's next?"   
  
"Me, Michael, and Gavin, of course. It's the pink wrapped one." Lindsay smiled. Ray tore the box open.   
  
"Is this an elite Xbox One controller? A _pink_  one?" Ray said in awe.   
  
"Sure is. It even has your name engraved on the back." Michael said with a satisfied smirk. That must have been his idea.   
  
"Holy fucking shit! Thank you three so much!"   
  
"Now open mine and Jeremy's!" Mica said happily. Ray grabbed the green box and opened it.   
  
"Is this..." Ray stared at the inside of the box in absolute astonishment. "Is this a violin statue? Made out of obsidian?"   
  
"It sure is! I know how much you love music..." Mica started.   
  
"And I remembered that your favorite rock is obsidian!" Jeremy added.   
  
"So we decided to get you something that was both!" Mica finished happily.   
  
"Dude, this is awesome! Thank you so much!" Ray said to them. He looked at the table, and saw that there was one more gift left.   
  
"It's... not as extravagant as everyone else, but I hope you like it." Ryan said quietly. He was a little embarrassed by his gift now; everyone else had gone above and beyond in their gifts. Ray would probably hate Ryan's.   
  
Ray took the small box and tore it open. Inside, he found a copy of Final Fantasy XIII, signed by Ali Hillis. Ray looked at the game, his mouth agape.   
  
"Ray, is that a _signed_  copy of Final Fantasy XIII?" Michael said in shock. "They don't even sell new copies of that game anymore! How did you find a signed copy, Ryan?"   
  
"I did some digging, and pulled a couple of strings. You said that it was your favorite Final Fantasy game, so I thought you'd like it." Ryan said, looking down.   
  
"Ryan, I don't like it. I love it. Thank you so much for this." Ray said sincerely, moving in to give Ryan a hug. "You really are the best. I'm glad I know you." He said softly into Ryan's ear.   
  
Ryan could have dropped dead that exact moment. He was falling, hard. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song Ryan and Ray played together: https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=Handel-Halvirsen%3A+Passacaglia


	3. Player 1, Help

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something was up with Ryan, Ray knew that. He made it a goal to figure out what exactly was wrong, and to help in any way he could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heavy warnings for blood and implied self harm

"Hello, Ray. How was the party?" Rays dad asked as Ray walked through the door.

"Oh, hey dad. The party was really fun. I got some really cool gifts. How was.-"

"No, we aren't going to talk about me right now. Today is your day." His dad said.

"Where's mom?"

"Bed already. She wasn't feeling well. Now, tell me what presents you got."

"An HTC Vive, an Xbox One Elite controller, an obsidian violin sculpture, and a signed copy of Final Fantasy XIII. It's been a great birthday, I'd say." Ray smiled.

"I was wondering why Lindsay called asking what I was getting you." Rays dad chuckled. "Now you have an extra controller for your Xbox. I'm glad."

"Today has been great, dad." Ray paused a moment, "Hey, can I talk to you about something?"

"Sure son, you can talk to me about anything."

"So, hypothetically speaking, say this guy I know really likes this other guy, and he thinks that the other guy likes him back, but he isn't sure. He wants to say something about it, but he also doesn't want to make their friendship super awkward. What should he do?"

"Just ask Ryan out, Ray."

"Hypothetical situation, dad! This isn't about me!"

"Son, I've been on this planet for many years. I may not know a lot about today's youth, but I've been around long enough to see the signs that two people really like each other." Ray's dad rolled his eyes.

Ray was quiet for a moment. "Do you really think he'll like me back? I mean, he's so smart, funny, talented, cute..."

"Ray, it's so obvious that Ryan likes you, even your mother has noticed. And you know how oblivious she can be to things like this." Again, Rays dad rolled his eyes. "I want you to go up to your room; there's a surprise there for you. Goodnight, Raysin Bran." Rays dad smiled and walked to his room. Ray walked to his own room, confused as to what his dad could surprise him with.

When he walked in, he saw, clear as day, a cello sitting on an instrument stand. Next to it was a hard case and what appeared to be stickers. Stuck to the case was a note. Ray picked it up and read it.

 

_Ray,_

_I hope you enjoy this extra little present. I love you, son. Please never forget that. I love you and your mom so much._

_Love, your dad_

 

"Dad, you idiot..." Ray muttered. "You don't have to buy back my love. You never lost it." Tears pricked in Ray's eyes. He turned around, ready to go to his dad, only to see that he was already there, tears in his eyes as well.

"I'm so sorry, Ray." Rays dad whimpered out. Ray ran to him and hugged him tight. "I shouldn't have been driving drunk. I certainly shouldn't have had you and your mother in the car. Because of me, your mother is in a chair and you were almost..." he trailed off, years streaming down his face.

"It's okay, dad. I know you regret it every day, and you got yourself better afterward. That's all that matters." Ray said back, hugging tighter. "You didn't have to get me this cello along with a new Xbox, that's so much money."

"That's why I've been taking the extra hours; I wanted to make this birthday perfect."

"It was already perfect. Thank you, dad. I love you."

"I love you too, son."

* * *

 

"Dude, is Ryan going to be late to detention?" Michael asked. "He better show up, I don't want detention twice in a row."

"He's still got 10 minutes, you pleb. He'll be here soon." Gavin said back. He grabbed one of Lindsay's macarons. "These are really good, love."

"Thanks, Gav. I hope Ryan likes them. If he ever decides to show up."

"He will, don't worry. Jack is probably giving him a ride. She's not here either, or did you not notice?" Ray questioned.

"The triad has never paid much attention to detail." Mica laughed, Jeremy joining with her.

The door to the library burst open, Jack and Geoff walking through. Jack was very concentrated on her 3DS. Ray looked up hopefully, but Ryan was not with them.

"Hey, Jack, You hear from Ryan?" Ray asked. She didn't respond. "Jack?"

"Sorry, dude, I brought her Pokémon moon and she hasn't stopped playing it since. We haven't heard from Ryan though, is he late?" Geoff asked.

"He's still got 8 minutes to get here!" Gavin said. "Just because we get here 11 years early doesn't mean he will!"

"Hey guys- oh, was I late?" Ryan said, walking through the door. He looked surprised.

"Not at all, we just get here super early." Ray explained with a smile. He motioned for Ryan to take the seat next to him, and Ryan obliged.

"I didn't know we were supposed to get here early, or I would have asked my aunt to bring me sooner. Sorry about that."

"Hey, it's not a problem, my friend. You arrived with 7 and a half minutes to spare." Gavin said happily.

"Here, try one of my macarons! They're red velvet." Lindsay smiled.

"I'd love one, but I'm not feeling too well right now." Ryan said politely. "I'll get back to you in an hour."

"Well, we have 5 to kill in detention, so we might as well do something." Geoff said. Ryan gave him a quizzical look.

"Are we able to do anything? Where's the teacher who's supposed to supervise us?"

"I'm here! Sorry I'm so late." Ms. Ramsey said, rushing through the door. "I picked up breakfast for everyone. I hope you all like pancakes. Now, you all can do what you'd like, I'll be reading if you need me." She said, walking to the back of the library.

"Ms. Ramsey always supervises our detention sessions." Ray explained to Ryan, seeing his confused look. "No one else wants to spend their Saturday with us. Can't imagine why." He got up, Ryan following him as they got some pancakes.

"So, did you enjoy my party?" Ray asked as they ate. Ryan nodded.

"I did. It was a lot of fun; I'd never been to an arcade like that before."

"Yeah, I saw how much fun you were having with the rhythm games. Go figure, what with the passion in music." Ray laughed.

"Yeah. You got some amazing gifts last night, too. Did you have a good birthday?" Ryan asked.

"It may have been the best birthday I've ever had. You sent it over the top with that signed copy of FFXIII." Ray responded. Ryan blushed.

"It was nothing."

"If you call nothing the most amazing thing I've ever gotten in my entire life, then yes, it was nothing."

"You flatter me too much, You know that?"

"Maybe you're just someone who deserves a lot of flattery." Ray said as smoothly as he could. Ryan somehow blushed harder.

"Alright, what should we do this detention? Jack seems like she's checked out, so." Geoff laughed, watching Jack play her ds intently.

"The Pokémon are so cute and I'm in love." Jack said shortly. "I got a Rowlet and I named her corndog."

"Well, Jack has her 3DS, did anyone else bring theirs?" Mica asked. Everyone but Ryan nodded.

"I... I don't have a 3DS." Ryan said, looking down.  
  
"Don't even worry about it, dude, I always bring my old one as back up." Michael said triumphantly. "Looks like I'm the better friend, Ray."

"No you aren't..." Ray pouted. Michael laughed as he handed Ryan the 3DS.

"I'll let you borrow this; it's a crime that you haven't played Pokémon yet. We'll start you off with Black."

"Are you serious? At least start him off with a good game like literally anything from gen 4. Platinum would be best." Gavin said, disgusted at the prospect of Ryan's first Pokémon game being from gen 5.

"You serious? X and Y is where it's at." Ray chimed in.

"Um... you don't have to let me borrow this, Michael." Ryan said quietly. Something was off about Ryan, but Ray couldn't figure out what.

"Nonsense, we all have to play Pokémon at some point. Plus I want to battle you once you get good enough at it. In any case, we're playing Mario Kart 7 now, so get ready to get your ass kicked by me!"

"Hey, you okay, Ryan? You seem a little off." Ray asked as everyone (except Jack) started up Mario Kart. Ray noticed that Ryan picked Dry Bones almost immediately.

"Yeah, just didn't get a lot of sleep again. Insomnia is a bitch sometimes."

"Yeah, but you're looking kind of pale. You sure you're good?"

"Yes, Ray, I'm sure. Now, can we just play the game?" Ryan almost pleaded. Ray simply nodded, and they both turned their attention to the game. It was after the first race that everyone else started to take notice of Ryan.

"Ryan? You okay?" Lindsay asked him.

"You look really pale, dude." Michael commented.

"You need some water?" Geoff asked.

Ryan opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. Everyone watched as Ryan fell onto the floor, the red seeping through his hoodie sleeve now very apparent.

"Ryan!" Ray screamed, rushing to his side. He rolled up Ryan's sleeve, exposing his bloody arm with many wounds, old and new. "Oh my god, call 911! Ryan needs to go to the hospital!"

"I'm on it!" Jack said frantically, pulling out her phone.

"I'll go get Ms. Ramsey." Mica told everyone as she ran off.

"He needs pressure put on his wrist." Geoff stampeded out. "Michael, you and I can use our shirts."

"No, Gavin's will work better. Gavin, take off your shirt and give it to Ray." Lindsay said quickly. Geoff and Gavin both took their shirts off and handed them to Ray. He took them and pressed them onto Ryan's wrist.

"Oh my god, Ryan.." Ray whispered. "You can't leave me. You just can't."

"The ambulance is on their way." Jack said, walking back. She sat down next to Ray and gently rubbed his back. "He'll be okay, Ray. He will."

"I... I really hope so."

About 2 minutes later, paramedics burst through the door, put Ryan on a gurney, and began taking him to the ambulance. They stopped Ray from getting in with them.

"Sorry, kid, family only." The paramedic said. Ray stood helplessly as the ambulance sped off. He felt the tears fall on his face, but he didn't care. Ryan was hurt. _His_ Ryan.

And there was nothing he could do to help.

_He didn't get to tell Ryan how he felt._

"Ray, come on. We're going to the hospital. He's going to be okay." Jack said.

"I can take some people in my car." Ms. Ramsey called to them from her car. Michael, Gavin, and Lindsay went with Ms. Ramsey while Mica, Jeremy, Geoff, and Ray went with Jack. Mica and Jeremy did their best to console Ray, but to no avail. Ray couldn't stop crying.

At the hospital, Ray was the first through the door. Ryan's aunt Kathleen was already there.

"Oh, Ray!" She said, startled. Her eyes were red. "Ryan just went into surgery. They have to sew up the artery in his arm. He's lost so much blood, Ray. I'm so worried about him." Tears began to flow again, and Ray silently sat next to Kathleen.

"He.. he'll be okay. Ryan is strong. He'll get through this." Ray said after a few minutes.

A second later, a doctor burst through the doors. The look on her face was grim.

"Hello, Ms. Haywood. I have a question, what blood type are you?" She asked.

"I have type O+, why? Does Ryan need a blood transfusion?"

"He does, but he has O- blood. There is currently a wait list for O-, since it's so rare. I'm afraid that we may not be able to get it to him in time." The doctor looked down as Kathleen began to sob. Ray stood up behind her.

"I have O-, can I give blood to Ryan?" Ray asked, a new determination filling him. He won't let Ryan die. Not if he has any say in the matter.

"Are you sure you're O-? It will be very dangerous if you are unsure, as Ryan will be the one to suffer, and he won't survive if you are wrong."

"I'm sure. I had to get a blood transfusion when I was younger. I know my blood type. If my blood will save Ryan's life, take as much as you need."

"Very well. Follow me, we don't have a lot of time."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short update. I'll try and make the next chapter longer.


	4. Player 2, Hurt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes, a shadow follows you around. The shadow clings to your clothes for years, but never harms you physically. 
> 
> However, everything reaches a breaking point.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for mentions of death, self harm references, and transphobic slurs

_There once was a little boy, let's call him Ryan. He was a boy, and he knew it. But for some reason, everyone told him that he was a girl._

_He never believed them; he was a boy, and it was so obvious to him. Like knowing that the sun was yellow or the sky was blue. Ryan was a boy._

_"Why can't you see that I'm a boy?" He wanted to ask, but he never did. That was when Ryan first got his Shadow._

_His Shadow was benign at first, only clinging to his clothes. It would occasionally whisper mean things to him, but overall, his Shadow was nothing to worry about._

_When he finally told his mom that he was a boy, she believed him! Ryan's mom knew that he was a boy! That day, the Shadow got a little smaller._

_His mom cut his hair short, got him the clothes he wanted, and started calling him a boy in private. But around his dad, his mom still called him a girl. Every time she did, Ryan's shadow got a little bigger._

_By the time Ryan and his mom got away from his father, the Shadow had grown exponentially. It now was like a scarf, always wrapped around Ryan's neck. But when Ryan got surgery and began taking medicine that helped him be more like the boy he was, the Shadow shrank to the size of his forearm, and it stayed around his forearm from that point on, always there but never touching._

_Ryan began to see himself transform. As he got older, he finally began to see himself in the mirror; it was his face, not one of a stranger. The Shadow only grew smaller. Every day, he was slowly starting to glow past his Shadow._

_How things can change in a day._

_Ryan knew that he shouldn't have distracted her. He knew that he could wait to tell his story. He knew that._

_And yet, he continued on._

_He kept distracting her; he kept talking. Because of him, she didn't see the car speeding at her door._

_Because of him, his mom was killed._

_That night, the Shadow touched his skin. It didn't break through, but he could feel its cool touch._

_He lived with his aunt after the accident. His aunt was nice enough, and she always tried to make Ryan happy, but the Shadow on his arm seemed to make being happy impossible. Everything was going well enough in his life, until he told his boyfriend that he was trans._

_His boyfriend laughed. His boyfriend called him a girl. His boyfriend told everyone a lie. Told everyone that Ryan was a girl._

_That night, the Shadow broke the skin._

_It hurt him, but somehow, it also felt good. Like he finally got some relief for his grief. The Shadow seemed to shrink, but it wasn't for a good reason. With every cut the shadow made, a little bit of it went into Ryan's body. It began to darken him on the inside._

_Once the Shadow made enough cuts, it completely took over Ryan. He was no longer the happy boy he once was. He just walked around, a shadow always behind his eyes._

_It would take a miracle to save Ryan now._

 

Ryan felt pain, he knew that much. A fiery pain in his left arm. Was he dead? No, there wouldn't be pain in the afterlife, at least he'd like to think so. Where was he? Where was Ray? What happened?

Like a truck, the memories slammed into him. The blade he took across his skin, too deep too many times. He wrapped up his arm, hoping it would stop the bleeding, and went to detention like nothing was wrong. He began to feel groggy, and after their game, everything went dark.

Ryan almost got himself killed.

He struggled, but he eventually opened his eyes. He looked around, noticing that it was night outside. His Aunt Kathleen was sitting in the chair, reading a book. He looked next to him, and was shocked to see Ray laying in the bed next to him, sleeping soundly.

"What...?" Ryan said quietly. His throat was dry.

"Oh my god, Ryan! You're awake!" Kathleen said, rushing up to his bed.

"Not too loud, I don't want to wake Ray up. How long was I out?"

"About three days. You lost a lot of blood, so I guess it's to be expected." Kathleen's voice wavered a bit.

"Why is Ray in a bed then?"

"He's the one who donated blood to you, Ryan. He saved your life. He wanted to stay here with you until you woke up."

"Ray has O- blood?" Ryan questioned. Kathleen nodded. "The two of us are just full of coincidences. Our lives are basically a Deus Ex Machina."

"I don't know what that means, but I'm glad you're okay, Ryan. Me and you... we are going to have a long talk when you are checked out of here. I'm going to get recommendations, and we're going to get you a therapist."

"That..." Ryan trailed off. He had wanted to ask for a therapist for years, but he didn't know how. "I'd really like that, Aunt Kathleen."

"Oh, Ryan." She said, giving him a hug. "I'm so glad you're alright. I thought... I thought that I'd lose you too. I can't lose you too." She started to cry. Ryan began rubbing her back.

"I'm sorry, Aunt Kathleen." He whispered.

A few hours and a lot of convincing later, Kathleen left the hospital so that she could sleep in her bed. Ryan had insisted that she couldn't sleep in the uncomfortable chair for another night, and she reluctantly went home. Ryan sat alone for maybe 5 minutes before he heard a voice speak up.

"Ryan, you're awake!" Ray yelped out, rushing out of his bed and into Ryan's. Ryan tried not to think about how close Ray was to him. Tried.

"Yeah, I am. Thanks to you, at least." Ryan said quietly, looking away.

"I'd do it again in a heartbeat." Ray said sincerely. "I care about you, Ry, and I want you to be safe and happy."

"I don't think I know how." Ryan whispered. Tears began to spill from his eyes. "I was abused by my father, I got my mother killed, the one boy I thought I loved ended up breaking my heart in more ways than one, and now I'm just being a burden to everyone I call a friend! It never ends!"

"Ryan." Ray said gently, wiping Ryan's tears away and turning his face toward him. "We all care about you; you aren't a burden at all. We love hanging out with you, and we love talking with you. I think at this point, you've had a deep conversation with everyone except Geoff, Mica, and Jeremy. You just know how to connect with people. I love that about you."

"You are far too nice to me. I don't deserve it." Ryan sniffled.

"You deserve the world, Ryan. You deserve the universe. I plan on giving it to you myself."

* * *

 

"You only missed one day of school, thank god for days off." Mica said, bringing Ryan's work to his house. He had been checked out of the hospital that Wednesday, four days after he was admitted. The doctors wanted to keep him a bit longer to keep an eye on him. Probably for the best.

"Thank you, Mica. I really appreciate you bringing me my work." Ryan told her, giving her a hug.

"Not a problem, Rye bread. I'll see you at school tomorrow?" She asked. Ryan nodded. "Good, Jeremy and I have a surprise for you. See ya!" Mica sped off before Ryan could question her. He wondered what the surprise could be.

He walked upstairs to his room, leaving the door open at the request of Kathleen. He didn't blame her for being cautious. He walked to the window, where he shockingly saw Ray, standing right outside it. He gave a big smile and a wave.

"Um." Ryan said, confused as he opened the window. How did Ray manage to float two stories in the air in front of his window. This boy was full of surprises.

"Hey! I know we kinda joked about building a little bridge between our houses, but I asked my dad who talked to your aunt about it. They both thought it'd be a good idea! So now we have a bridge that connects our houses, and we also now have a tree house."

"A tree house?"

"Come on out, I'll show you!" Ray said excitedly. Ryan pulled the screen out of his window, and he climbed through it. It was a solid bridge, he'd admit that much. Ray pulled his hand gently, and they walked over to the tree house. It was actually rather large.

"My, this was much bigger than I expected." Ryan commented. It looked like it was big enough to fit about... nine people. "Oh, everyone can be here at once, if we ever wanted to have a small party in a tree house."

"Cool, right? But mostly, I wanted it big so the roof could hold our weight. Follow me." He said, and he started climbing a ladder on the far wall. "We'll bring chairs and stuff out here tomorrow."

Ryan followed Ray onto the roof of the tree house, where there was a fluffy blanket laid out. It seems Ray was very prepared for this.

"There's a meteor shower tonight, so I figured we could watch it together. We really live in the best place for stargazing, too." Ray said as he and Ryan sat down. Ryan looked up, just staring at the stars. Ray was right; it was beautiful.

"Have I missed a lot at school?" Ryan asked.

"Not a lot, but we did get a new kid. I can't remember his name, but he seemed like an asshole so I guess it's okay."

"You thought I was an asshole when we first met." Ryan pointed out.

"Yeah, but that was different. We interacted, and you acted like an asshole. I've only seen this kid from afar, and he just seems like a prick. He started hanging out with _those_ kids." Ray responded.

"Who?"

"The homophobes, transphobes, basically everything phobes. They're the ones who go after Jack all the time. That's just what they do; they latch on to a single person or three and bully them until they get bored and move on. The assholes used to call Jeremy really ableist things when they came out as agender, and they kept trying to bully Gavin when he joined Michael and Lindsay's relationship. Lindsay and Michael were having none of it, though, and they protected Gavin all through it.

"They've come after me a few times, since I am so unapologetically homosexual. Technically homoromantic ace, but homosexual is much easier. No one wants to say that they're a flaming homoromantic asexual, so flaming homosexual works for me."

Ryan laughed at that, a laugh that was full, uncensored. It was a laugh that didn't know what it was to feel pain. Ryan wished he could laugh like this more often. He thought that with Ray, maybe he would.

"Hey, I'm glad you enjoyed my joke so much. Anyway, the assholes turned their attention to me recently, around the day I met you actually. I'm an easy target, so it can't be helped."

"Now that I'm here, no one is going to mess with any of you. Not now, not ever. I can't stand people like that." Ryan growled. Just thinking about those assholes always got him fired up, but hearing the other shit they've done... Ryan was a whole new level of livid.

"Thank you, Ryan. I really do appreciate that." Ray said. They sat in silence, just staring up at the stars. It was Ryan who broke the silence first.

"I'm... I'm sorry." He said quietly.

"What? Ry, You have nothing-"

"Stop. Please, just let me say this. I need to say this." Ryan pleaded. Ray shut up. "I... I know I have a lot of issues, and I knew that I should have gotten help a long time ago, but I didn't. I didn't think I deserved any help; not after what I had done.

"Two years ago, I was out with my mom. She had surprised me that day after school, because I had aced a test the day before, so she took me out so that we could spend some time together. We went to the mall, where I got my first PC. I had seen so many Lets Players, so I knew what to expect with it. I was telling her about all the cool things I could do with it. I was talking her ear off, and she listened. I distracted her from driving, and she turned to talk to me. The car came so fast, neither of us had seen it."

"Ryan..." Ray began, but Ryan held up a hand, and he quit talking.

"The driver was drunk, and had ran a red light. He slammed into our car, right at the drivers side, and crushed it. My mom was..." Ryan trailed off, tears spilling from his eyes. "She was killed instantly. I got out with a few scrapes and bumps, but she died. Because I was distracting her, she's gone forever."

"Ryan, you have to know that it's not your fault. That person who hit your moms car is to blame; he was the one who made the mistake, not you."

"But, if I hadn't distracted her, maybe she would have noticed-"

"You can't focus on the what-if's. Trust me, I did that a bunch when I was in an accident. Talking to a therapist helped me to not blame myself. Have you thought of getting one?"

"My aunt is asking around, and she's going to find me one."

"Tell her to call Dr. Griffon Ramsey. She's my therapist, and she is the absolute best."

"Ramsey? Is she related to Geoff?" Ryan asked.

"Nah, just a coincidence. She and Geoff are good friends though. She's a great therapist, and she's super easy to talk to. You'll love her ."

"Thank you, Ray. I really appreciate you doing all this for me." Ryan said. They both fell into silence.

It was unclear to the both of them how long they were sitting there, just gazing at the stars. Ryan was constantly on the lookout to a shooting star, though, because he knew the exact wish he wanted to make. When he finally saw one, he closed his eyes.

 _I wish that I'll be good enough for Ray to like me back._ He thought to himself. He felt Ray shake his arm.

"Look, the meteor shower is starting!" Ray said excitedly. Ryan opened his eyes to see many shooting stars whizzing across the sky. He watched as their lights burned and faded away, and he couldn't help but wonder if his star he had wished on had been the first one of the shower. Maybe his wish would for sure come true.

As if the universe had picked up on the cue, Ray grabbed Ryan's arm and pulled him closer. Ryan felt himself get hot as Ray gently positioned them so that they were laying down, with Ryan holding him in his arms. Ryan almost had an anxiety attack from being so close to Ray.

This... this meant that Ray liked him back, right? Like, there was no way to misconstrue the situation; Ray very obviously liked Ryan, seemingly as much as he liked Ray. Right? He wasn't reading the situation wrong? Should he say something? Should he do something?

"Dude, your heart is beating so fast, I think it might actually explode." Ray said nervously. Oh good, Ryan wasn't alone in that respect.

"R-really? H-hadn't n-noticed." Ryan stuttered. He was suddenly hyper aware of how close Ray was to him.

"Did I mess up? Did I misread the situation? I'm sorry Ryan, I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable. I just thought- I'll just leave." Ray started to get up, but Ryan held on tighter.

"No!" He yelped out. "No, it's okay. You didn't misread anything, if you read that I really fucking like you. I thought that maybe I was misreading you." Ryan laughed awkwardly.

"You... you like me back? You actually like me back?" Ray said, sounding rather surprised.

"I thought I was making it too obvious." Ryan rubbed the back of his neck and chuckled. "I guess I wasn't as obvious as I thought."

"Or I'm just oblivious. Maybe it's a mixture of both." Ray responded. "Do you... want to go see a movie on Friday? Get Out is coming out and it looked like a really cool movie."

"I'd love to see a movie, Ray. You know, I always thought the older one asked the younger one out on dates." Ryan said thoughtfully. Ray laughed.

"This is the 21st century. We don't really do things traditionally anymore."

"I wouldn't want it any other way."

* * *

 

"Looks who's back at school!" Gavin said happily as Ryan and Ray walked into the building. He was sitting there with... everyone else they were friends with.

"Did you all wait here for me and Ray to get here?" Ryan asked.

"Sure did! I wanted to make sure we could surprise you all!" Mica said happily. She went to grab Ryan's hand, and noticed that it was very tightly inter wound with Ray's. "Holy shit! Did you finally make a move?"

"That would be Ray, I'm much too shy for that." Ryan blushed furiously, and Ray gave him a peck on the cheek. This only furthered the shade of red his face was.

"In any case, I'm happy for you two! Now let's go inside, I want you all to see what me and Jeremy did!" Mica said happily. She led them all inside and they found themselves walking to the bulletin board. There, in very large rainbow letters, was the word 'Freezone!'

"Freezone?" Gavin questioned.

"Did you two..." Jack trailed off as she read the sign.

"You made a gay club?" Lindsay asked, her jaw dropping.

"Yep! Jeremy and I were talking about how there isn't a safe space here at Everyhing-Phobia High school, and there has to be more queer kids in this school that are too afraid of ridicule to actually come out. So, we talked to Ms. Ramsey and Mr. Hullum, and we were approved for making this schools first ever gay club!" Mica said happily.

"You selected officers already?" Michael asked. Jeremy nodded.

"We thought that these would be great starters for the clubs first year. You'll only be serving for, like, 5 months unless you get reelected." They explained.

"You made me... President?" Ryan whispered, looking at his name on the board. They made him president of their gay club.

"You were the obvious first choice!" Mica said. "You have a really good head on you, you're great at talking, and you're just so damn cute. Excellent for leading a club."

"Ray is VP, of course." Jeremy told them. "I'm treasure, Mica is secretary, and Lindsay is social chair. We didn't pick anyone for Fundraising chair yet because, well, we're new and probably won't need funds for a bit."

"This is..." Lindsay started.

"Absolutely..." continued Michael.

"Fucking..." said Gavin.

"Amazing!" Everyone yelled at the same time.

"First meeting is after winter break, so we still got another month before we actually do anything." Mica said. The bell rang, indicating that classes would start soon. Everyone began making their way to their first class.

"You're going to be amazing, Ryan. The best president we've ever seen in the world." Ray told Ryan. Ryan chuckled.

"Simply thinking of our current president, I don't think the bar has been set very high."

"Oh shit, Rye-Breads getting political!"

"I plead the 5th." Ryan chuckled as they walked into their first period. He saw that they were the second ones there, and a single boy was sitting in the back. Ryan's heart stopped.

No, that's impossible, Ryan thought. There was no way that Adam fucking Kovic was sitting in that room on that day. There was no way that his transphobic ex boyfriend _who knew that Ryan was trans_ was in Ryan's new town, at Ryan's new school, with all of Ryan's new friends.

 _Maybe he won't recognize me now._ He thought to himself as he sat down. His hair was a significant amount shorter than when they had their little fling.

"Wait, Ryan? Is that you? Ryan Haywood?" He heard from behind him. He felt his heart rate accelerate. Oh no.

"You know the new kid?" Ray asked, surprised. Ryan didn't respond, he couldn't. He felt like his entire world was crashing down, and he felt like his heart was going to burst from his chest.

"Dude, Ryan, I had no idea you lived here! It's, uh, good to see you again!" Adam walked up to the desk Ryan was sitting at.

"Um, I think that maybe you two should talk later? Ryan's had a bad weekend and he should probably have as little human interaction as possible." Ray interjected, obviously picking up on how uncomfortable Ryan was. Uncomfortable was an understatement, but Ryan appreciated the gesture nonetheless.

"Oh, okay. That's cool. Um, here's my new number, call me so we can hang out soon. We have a lot to talk about." He wrote his number and sat it down on his desk. "I'm Adam, by the way. I don't think we've officially met."

"I'm Ray. We'll talk to you later." Ray said. Adam nodded, looking at Ryan who was very focused on his own desk. Adam made his way back to his desk and Ryan slowly began to breathe like a human being.

"Thanks for that, I really appreciate you getting him to leave like that." Ryan said quietly. Ray grabbed his hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.

"Not a problem, Ry. If you're up to it later, you and I can talk about what happened. You had a little panic attack there, you know."

"I'm well aware, Ray. It's fine, I'll explain later."

"You sure you're okay? If it's too much right now, we could always just skip this class and hang out at the park or something."

"No, no, it's fine. I'm fine." Ryan said, trying to convince himself more than he was trying to convince Ray. "I think I need to sit through class, keep my mind preoccupied."

"Okay, dude. Just let me know if at any point you need to get out. We'll leave in a heartbeat."

 

Ryan managed to make it through to lunch with no incidents. Well, almost no incidents. He saw Adam in the hall and quickly turned to go a different way to the lunch room, but it was too late; Adam had spotted him already.

"Wait, Ryan!" He called out. Ryan's heart stopped for the second time that day. There was no avoiding it for the time being, so against his better judgement, Ryan stopped walking and waiting for Adam to catch up.

"I'm glad I caught you, I wanted to talk really quick." He said. Ryan could feel himself shaking.

"Sure, what do you need?" He managed to breath out.

"I... I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I was the worst human being on the planet, and I shouldn't have told everyone that you were a girl-"

"Keep your fucking voice down!" Ryan hissed. "You already fucking outed me once, don't fucking do it again!"

"I'm sorry!" Adam yelped. "I know that saying sorry isn't enough for what I did, and I don't even think I deserve any forgiveness. I just wanted you to know that I do regret what I did. I regret it so much; you didn't deserve that at all."

"You're right, Kovic, you don't deserve any of my forgiveness. Not at all; what you did is unforgivable." Ryan started. God his heart was beating out of his chest; was he really about to do this?

Adam looked down, and began to walk away before Ryan spoke up again. "But you do seem sincere in your regret, and you seem to be educating yourself. I'm not going to forgive you for what happened, but I think that we can work our way to being friends."

"Thank you so much, Ryan. I don't deserve this chance you're giving me." Adam said, his voice wavering jus a little.

"You really don't, so please don't make me regret it." Ryan said quietly, and he made his way to the lunch room.

"There he is!" He heard Gavin call from their lunch table. He made his way over and sat down next to Ray.

"Hey, dude, why were you so late getting here?" Michael asked.

"I was just talking to someone, no big deal." Ryan said rather quietly.

"We're here if you need to talk about it, Ry." Ray said to him, grabbing his hand. They sat there for a few minutes, having idle conversations, before a boy came up to their table. It was the kid who's nose Ryan broke.

"Can we help you?" Ryan muttered out. The kid just gave him a smug look before facing the rest of the cafeteria and pointing to Ryan.

"Ryan Haywood is a fucking tranny!" The kid yelled out. The cafeteria became deathly quiet, and Ryan felt a crack in the world around him.

"What? What the fuck are you talking about?" Ray asked, sounding annoyed at the bully.

"I overheard it talking to Kovic in the hallway. Apparently it had to move here because Kovic made sure everyone knew that it wasn't actually a boy! Are you gonna move again, you fucking tranny?"

"Shut the fuck up!" Michael roared. "Who the fuck cares if he's trans? It doesn't fucking matter! He's a boy, just like you and me!"

"It has a vag, so it's not a boy. Why are you even defending it?"

"Because he's our fucking friend!" Mica yelled. "Who the fuck do you think you are?"

"Ry? Are you okay?" Ray asked quietly. Ryan didn't know what to do. His entire world was crashing around him. He quickly stood up, and began to run. Even as he heard what sounded like a fight breaking out, he ran.

Even as he heard Ray calling his name, he ran.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are getting interesting now! Poor Ryan doesn't deserve any of this :c He deserves a nice, fluffy break. What do you think?


	5. Quit Game?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan's world is collapsing around him. Ray doesn't know how to help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I literally hate pov switches in the middle of chapters but this would have been a much shorter update than it already is had I not done it please forgive me 
> 
> Trigger warning for attempted suicide in this chapter

_Where could you be, Ry._  Ray thought to himself as he ran throughout the school. It seemed that Ryan had left entirely. Ray did his best to understand just what Ryan was going through, but to no avail. If anything, he felt a little hurt that Ryan didn't trust them- trust him -with the fact that he was trans.

That didn't matter, though. Ryan had his reasons, and they were under no obligation to know. All that mattered in that current moment was where Ryan was, and whether he was safe.

Ray pulled out his phone and quickly typed in Jack's number. She picked up within the first ring.

"Did you find him?" She asked frantically.

"No, not yet. I need you to give me a ride; I'm going to see if he's at home. I'm already at the parking lot, so just get here as fast as you can." Ray said frantically, hanging up before Jack could say anything else. He knew that she would come.

Sure enough, Jack all but ran through the doors, grabbing Ray by the wrist and dragging him to her car. They were in and driving away with lightning speed.  
  
"Do you think he's okay?" Jack asked quietly, her voice wavering. Ray looked over at her, seeing her eyes focused on the road but full of unshed tears, and her knuckles were white with how hard she was gripping the steering wheel.

"I... I honestly don't know." Ray whispered. He wanted to believe that Ryan was just in his room, waiting for someone to burst in and comfort him, but he knew that it wouldn't be that easy. Ryan was hurting, and Ray didn't know what Ryan would do to end his pain. They pulled into Ray's driveway, and the boy all but sprinted out of Jack's car and over to Ryan's house, not bothering to see if Jack was following. He frantically knocked on the door.

No one answered.

Ray knocked again. "Ryan? You in there? It's Ray, I want to talk." He said loudly. No answer.

Ray tried opening the door, but of course it was locked.

"Where do you think he is?" Jack asked from behind him. Ray looked around frantically, and his eyes landed on the treehouse that stood between their houses.

Once again, Ray was sprinting to his house, opening the door in a rush and quickly making his way upstairs. He faintly heard his mom call his name, and Jack stopping to explain, but he didn't have time to care about them at that moment. He hopped through his window, made his way across the bridge, and opened the door to the treehouse.

Ryan was sitting in the far corner, his knees to his chest and his face hidden. Ray could hear quiet sobs coming from the boy, and he made his way over to him. Ray sat down next to Ryan, and started gently rubbing circles into the older boys back.

"I'm sorry." Ryan whispered after a few minutes of silence.

"Don't apologize, Ryan. You have nothing to apologize for." Ray responded gently. "Hey, look at me."

Ryan reluctantly looked up at him, and Ray's heart shattered at just how broken the boy looked.

"You had your reasons for not telling us. You were under no obligation to tell us anything, and I am so sorry that you were forced out like that. No one should have to go through that." Ray said quietly.

Ryan said nothing, but more tears fell from his eyes and he threw his arms around Ray, holding him close.

"I'm so sorry." He mumbled repeatedly. Ray just held him, letting him cry. To his surprise, Ryan sat up and looked at him. Even more surprising was that Ryan leaned in for a kiss.

Ray was in shock for only a millisecond before melting into the kiss. It was sweet and soft and gentle, everything he imagined it to be. He was in a bit of a daze when Ryan pulled away, but he quickly snapped out of it when he realized that Ryan was swaying a bit.

"Ryan?" Ray asked, concerned. Ryan looked at him with tired eyes.

"I'm so sorry." He mumbled.

"Ryan, What did you do?" Ray asked, suddenly very terrified. Ryan shifted his position a bit, revealing an empty bottle of Tylenol. "Oh. Oh my god." Ray whispered, horrified. "J-Jack!"

"What? Is he alright?" He heard Jack say from his room.

"C-call an ambulance! Ryan swallowed a whole bottle of pills!"

* * *

 

Ryan heard yelling.

It sounded distant, but right in his ear at the same time.

His stomach hurt, and it hurt a lot. It felt like someone was stabbing him. Was someone stabbing him? He wasn't sure.

It suddenly felt like he was moving. Was someone carrying him? Where was he? Who was he with? He struggled to open his eyes, and saw Ray above him. He looked like he was crying.

Ryan tried to lift his hand to wipe away Rays tears, because Ray shouldn't be crying, but he couldn't move his arm. He tried telling Ray that everything was okay, but he couldn't make his mouth form the words. He closed his eyes, feeling very tired all of a sudden.

He felt himself be lifted up again, and the yelling he'd heard grew even more distant. He heard a loud snap next to his ear, and his eyes flew open. It wasn't Ray above him anymore, it was a stranger.

"Hello, Ryan. I'm Alan. I need you to stay awake for me, okay? At least until we get to the hospital." The hospital? Why was Ryan going to the hospital?

As if the universe needed to give him a reminder, he felt another sharp pain in his stomach, and he let out a pained cry. The person in the ambulance, Ryan thinks their name is Alal, spoke softly to him.

"I know, Ryan. I know it hurts. We are really close to the hospital, so just hang in there, okay?"

Ryan did his best, he really did, but the pain in his stomach was too much to handle. The last thing he remembered was the ambulance stoping and him being wheeled outside, but then his mind went blank.

* * *

 

Ray was pacing around the waiting room, his friends all sitting in the chairs. They still had not received any news about Ryan.

"Family only my ass..." He mumbled. He kept running his fingers through his hair. He observed all of his friends, seeing how they were coping.

Geoff and Jack were holding each other, Jack's sobs having quieted down to quiet whimpers. Ray could tell that Geoff was trying to be strong for his girlfriend, but his eyes were glossy with unshed tears.

Mica and Jeremy were simply holding hands while they both quietly wept. They were trying to be strong, but it was hard.

Michael, Lindsay, and Gavin were all sitting on the floor, hugging and crying softly. Michael seemed to be crying the hardest. It must have hit him hard.

Wordlessly, Ray walked over to the trio and sat down. Michael looked up at Ray with tear filled eyes, and that's when Ray broke. He was doing his _best_  to stay strong for his friends, but everyone just looked so _broken_ and Ray was broken too. Ryan was suffering, and they didn't know.

_He didn't know._

Ray sobbed. His tears flowed freely, and it seemed that his break was the final straw for everyone. Soon, all 8 friends were on the floor, holding each other and crying. None of them really knew how long they had been like that.

"R-Ray?" They heard a voice from behind them. They all turned to see Kathleen, Ryan's aunt, standing there with tear filled eyes. Ray quickly stood up and embraced her.

"I'm so sorry, Kathleen." He whispered.

"I-I tried t-to get h-here as a-quick as possible." She hiccuped out. "How is he? H-how is my nephew?"

"They won't tell us anything. Says that only 'family' gets updates." Ray responded quietly. Kathleen wordlessly let go of Ray and walked to the nurses station.

"I'm Kathleen Haywood, my nephew Ryan is a patient here." She said, sounding slightly mad. "I want you to give us all an update on how my nephew is doing, because these kids are just as much his family as I am."

"Miss, are you sure? This is a very sensitive situation-"

"These kids are Ryan's family. They deserve to know just as much as I do." She said with finality. The nurse looked conflicted, but finally conceded.

"I'll go get the doctor." The nurse said, walking away. Kathleen turned around and sat in a chair next to the group. They all repositioned themselves so that they were sitting around her.

"Thank you, Kathleen." Ray said, holding her hand.

"Of course, Ray. I meant what I said. You guys are Ryan's family. I'm glad he has you." She whispered, more tears escaping.

"Hello, Miss. Haywood?" A doctor said, coming out. Kathleen nodded, but made no movement to get up. "Ryan came here in critical condition. He swallowed an estimated amount of 30 thousand milligrams of Tylenol, and had he not been found when he was, he would have died." Ray flinched at those words. So did Kathleen. "We were able to pump his stomach, and get most of the Tylenol out of his system. He is currently sleeping, but he is expected to make a full recovery."

Everyone sighed with great relief. Ryan would be okay. He'd live.

"Can... can I see him?" Kathleen asked quietly. The doctor nodded.

"Yes, of course. He may only have two visitors at a time, though. I'll let you decide who is going, and I'll lead the way." The doctor said, stepping around the corner. Kathleen stood up, and motioned for Ray to follow her.

"Are- are you sure?" He asked meekly, looking around at all of his friends. They all nodded at him, and he got up and followed Kathleen. The doctor led them to the room, and opened the door. Ray hated what he saw.

Ryan looked so... _broken._ The look on his face was anything but content. He looked pained, as if he were having a nightmare. Ray didn't blame him; he essentially was living one.

"H-hey Ryan." Kathleen said quietly, walking over and standing next to the bed. Ray followed closely, standing on the other side. "I... I don't know what to say. I'm so sorry that this happened to you. You don't deserve any of this." She whispered. "I've called Dr. Ramsey, and she's ready to see you whenever you are well enough." She trailed off, tears running down her face. "I can't do this right now. I'm going to stand outside for a moment, Ray. Talk to him, won't you?" She pleaded. Ray nodded, and Kathleen walked out.

"Hey, Ry-bread." Ray said, turning his attention to his friend. Boyfriend? He wasn't sure what they were. "I-I don't know what to say. I'm so sorry that asshole did that to you; you did not deserve to be outed like that. I want you to know that this doesn't change _anything_ between us. I still like you, and all of our friends are still by your side. We aren't going anywhere, no matter what." Ray felt tears run down his face. "I'm so sorry that we couldn't see you struggling. I'm so sorry that we didn't do more to help. I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry." Ray whimpered. He felt a hand wipe away his tears, and his eyes snapped open to see Ryan's beautiful blue eyes looking up at him sadly.

"You don't need to apologize." Ryan croaked out. He had tears running down his face as well.

"I'm so happy you're okay, Ryan. Please don't ever do that again." Ray said quietly. Ryan had a look of doubt, but nodded anyway.

"Could you send aunt Kathleen in, and maybe go tell everyone that I'm awake? I want to see them." Ryan said, his voice still sounding hoarse. Ray nodded vigorously.

"Of course, anything for you, Ryan." He said sincerely. He was about to turn and go when Ryan pulled him back. Ray looked at him with a confused look before Ryan pulled him into a kiss.

It was just as soft and gentle as in the treehouse, but there was more emotion to it. Ray didn't hesitate at all in reciprocating the kiss, and he poured all of his emotions into it, as did Ryan. They had only been together a day, but with that kiss, they both conveyed three words to each other easily.

_I love you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhhhhhh okay now things are gonna start lookin up for ry-bread I promise ;-;
> 
> I'd also like to apologize for my inconsistant upload schedule, I was in college and we all know how that is. I won't promise weekly updates, but maybe I can swing more than one every 2 months. I'm working on this, as well as I Believe in Happily Every After and Shadows of Summer, all three being very important long term projects for me. This story in particular, however, will always hold a special place in my heart and I will do my best to work on this more. 
> 
> I'd also like to thank you all for the lovely comments you've given me on this fic! It really means a lot! <3


	6. Player 2, Continue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan has his first therapy session. Things go well for him, and things are starting to look brighter.

"You're going to love Griffon, Ry-bread." Ray told Ryan as they stood outside of a rather large house. Ryan looked very unsure. "She may look kind of intimidating, but she's a real sweetheart and is really easy to talk to."

"I'm just nervous, is all. I've never done something like this before. I'm not sure how it'll go." Ryan responded quietly. Ray pulled him into a hug.

"You're going to be amazing, sweetie." Ray said softly into his ear. Ryan pulled away from the hug and gave Ray a quick kiss. If it were up to Ryan, he would stay in that moment forever, simply living off the eternal bliss he felt whenever he kissed Ray. Of course, the universe didn't work like that and Ray pulled away.

"Thank you, Raysin Bran. I'll text you when it's over." Ryan said quietly before walking into the building. There was a girl sitting at the reception desk, and he politely got her attention.

"Oh, hello! Are you here for an appointment?" The girl asked. Ryan nodded.

"Yeah, I'm Ryan Haywood." He told her quietly, messing with the hem of his shirt. The girl typed something on her laptop before speaking.

"Ah, yes. Mrs. Ramsey is right up those stairs, first door on your left."

"Thank you." He said, walking up the stairs. He tried to push down the feeling of uneasiness as he walked up the stairs; he had nothing to be nervous about. He was getting help. He was going to get better.

 

He walked to the door that had "Griffon Ramsey" written on it and knocked.

"Come in!" He heard from behind the door. He opened it and widened his eyes a bit at what he saw.

Griffon was typing something on her computer, and the first thing Ryan noticed was her tattoos. She had just as many as Geoff, and he couldn't help but think that she looked just a little bit cooler.

"You must be Ryan! I've heard a lot about you from Ray." She smiled brightly at him, and he couldn't help but smile in return. "Please, sit down, make yourself comfortable. Coffee or tea?" She asked.

"Uh, tea please, Miss." Ryan said quietly, trying to be polite.

"Call me Griffon. I cannot stand formalities." She chuckled, setting a tea set on the table in front of Ryan. "We'll just talk while this steeps. How are you, Ryan?" She asked.

"I'm fine." He said curtly.

"Oh? You're fine? Are you sure?"

"In this very moment, yes. I'm fine."

"No anxiety? Not bad thoughts clawing through your brain?"

Ryan didn't respond, and he couldn't bring himself to look her in the eyes, so he looked out the window instead.

"I know it's hard, Ryan. From what I've been told, you've never had a therapist before, so this is all very new to you. You probably don't want to talk to a stranger." Griffon mused.

"You'd be correct."

"Well, we can't really get anywhere if you don't talk to me. Why don't we start with simply talking about your friends?" She suggested. Ryan perked up a bit at that; he could talk about his friends for hours.

"Oh man, my friends are the _best_." He started. "Jack is like a den mother, keeping us all grounded and in check and always taking care of us. Geoff is the dad to her mom, and even though he's in college, he still talks to us and cares about us too." Griffon smiled at the mention of Geoff, but didn't interrupt. "Jeremy is really quiet, but they are always really funny when they do talk. Mica is so passionate about everything she does, and I think her fiery personality molds perfectly with Jeremy's quiet one.

"Michael is so supportive and understanding, and he also doesn't take any shit which I admire. Gavin is such an idiot but he's also really smart at the same time, you know? And Lindsay may be the best baker I know. I love all my friends a lot; they've helped me through a lot of this."

"I notice that one friend in particular is missing." Griffon said pointedly. Ryan immediately knew what she meant.

"Ray is more than a friend. Words can't even begin to describe how I feel about him. I only met him, what, a month or so ago? And yet in that time we've gotten so close with one another. He... he's amazing." Ryan smiled a little bit.

"You really care about him, don't you? And all of your friends. You talk about them so fondly."

"I love them. And I know they love me."

"Then why did you try and leave them?"

That question took Ryan by surprise. "That seems a little forward for a first therapy session."

"If you aren't comfortable talking about it now, we can wait until a future session." Griffon said kindly. Ryan shook his head.

"No, it's fine. It's just... hard to talk about." He responded quietly. "After that asshole outed me to the whole cafeteria, I ran away. My friends were all defending me, but all I could do is run away. It was all too much. Years of pain an anguish just piled up, and that was the breaking point."

"I'm going to ask you a very hard question, Ryan. And I want you to answer as honestly as you can." Griffon told him. He simply nodded, but remained quiet. "Do you still want to kill yourself?"

Ryan didn't look at her. "Yes."

"Are you going to try again?"

Ryan scoffed at that. "I could never do that to my friends or family again. I may want to die, but I don't want to hurt my friends more than I already have."

"I'm proud of you for talking about this. This is a good sign, the fact that you are talking. You really want to get better." She stated, pouring their tea. Ryan gratefully took the cup, and took a sip before speaking again.

"Of course I do. I can't be the boyfriend Ray deserves if I don't. How can he love me if I can't learn to love myself?" 

* * *

 

"How'd it go?" Ray asked as soon as Ryan walked out of the building.

"Have you been sitting here for the entire hour and a half?" Ryan questioned, taking Ray into a warm embrace.

"Of course. My dad offered to come get me an hour ago, but I told him not to bother. I wanted to wait for you and spend some time with you."

"You didn't have to do that." Ryan mumbled quietly. Ray rolled his eyes and gave the taller boy a quick kiss.

"Of course I did, I'll take any opportunity to see my boyfriend."

"...Boyfriend?" Ryan said quietly. Ray looked at him nervously.

"Is it too soon to be calling you that? Did I make things awkward? I'm sorry Ry-" Ray's rambling was cut off by Ryan leaning in and kissing him.

"I'd be honored to call myself your boyfriend. You're amazing." Ryan whispered as he pulled away. They began walking, neither of them really  
wanting to go home. Home meant being apart, even if it was for only a day. They walked in silence, and they walked around aimlessly. The silence was broken when they reached a rather large garden.

"Would you like to walk around the garden?" Ray asked Ryan, who nodded. Ryan absolutely adored flowers.

They continued to walked around in silence, simply admiring the beauty of their surroundings. Ray was looking at the flowers, but Ryan was looking at Ray.

He truly didn't know how he got so lucky. Ray was one of the sweetest, most genuine guys he's ever met, and it honestly baffled Ryan that someone like Ray would choose to be with someone like him. Someone so perfect would choose to be with someone so _broken_.

Ryan must have zoned out, because he felt Ray gently pulling his arm down and found that they were sitting next to a bunch of lilies.

"Lilies are my favorite flower." Ray mumbled, looking around at the colorful lilies around them. Ryan made a mental note.

"I adore orchids." Ryan said in response. The two of them sat in silence, simply enjoying each other's company and forgetting the outside world.

Before they knew it, the sun was beginning to set in the sky, and Ray's phone went off. He quickly picked it up.

"Hello?" He said. "Oh, hey dad... No, me and Ryan were just sitting in a garden near the therapy place... Yeah, I think it went really well.... Alright, see you in a few.... Love you too, dad."

"I assume he's on his way to pick us up?" Ryan asked. Ray nodded.

"Your assumption is correct. I'm glad we found this garden; we should come back soon."

"I'd love that."

Ray's dad showed up a few minutes later, and Ryan and Ray got into the back seat they put their seat belts on and held each other's hands tight the entire ride home. They embraced once they got out of the car.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Ry." Ray whispered.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Ray." Ryan responded, giving Ray a sweet kiss. The reluctantly parted ways, and Ryan walked into his house.

"Hello, Ryan!" Kathleen called from the kitchen. "I was just finished up dinner, are you hungry?"

"Did you wait for me to come home to make dinner?" Ryan asked, setting his things down and entering the kitchen. Kathleen was making enchiladas.

"Of course, we never really eat as a family anymore, and I wanted to talk to you." Kathleen said. "You came home just in time, I just finished. Go set the table for me?" She asked. Ryan instantly complied.

"You didn't have to wait for my, Aunt Kathleen. I'm sure you're hungry." Ryan said quietly.

"Nonsense. I'd wait until midnight if it meant having dinner with my favorite nephew." Kathleen smiled, and they both sat down at the table. "Now, how did therapy go?"

"It," Ryan trailed off, "it went pretty well, I think. I think that Griffon will be a great therapist. It felt good to talk to her."

"What did you two talk about, if you don't mind me asking?"

"We talked about what happened last week, of course. We also talked about some of my other... issues that comes with my depression. I also talked a little about my dad."

"Are you okay?"

"I could only say a few things without going into a panic attack, but I'm fine. Overall the session was pretty helpful, and I think that I'll get better as time goes on."

"I'm so glad, Ryan. I know that this is hard for you, but I am so proud of you for trying." She smiled. "Now, tell me about you and Ray."

"What about me and Ray?"

"Well, how is your relationship going? Have you gone on a date yet?"

A date? He was supposed to go on a date the previous Friday, but that was a week ago. He was still in the hospital when they were supposed to go.

"We haven't. We were supposed to go last Friday, but..." Ryan trailed off, looking down.

"Why don't you two go do something tomorrow? I'm sure you both would like to go Christmas shopping, right? You only have two more weeks, after all."

"I'll ask him. That's a great idea, Aunt Kathleen. Thank you." He said softly. Kathleen nodded, and they ate in a comfortable silence. Once they had finished, Ryan pulled out his phone to text Ray, and was surprised to see he already had a message.

_-meet me in the treehouse when you see this_

Ryan wondered what Ray wanted, but instantly went out the window and into the treehouse. He was again surprised to find all of his friends sitting there with sleeping bags.

"Finally!" Michael yelped out, running over to Ryan and pulling him into a hug.

"Operation Sleepover Party is a go!" Gavin squealed, pulling Michael and Ryan into the treehouse.

"Operation Sleepover Party?" Ryan questioned, sitting himself down next to Ray.

"Yep! We haven't all hung out all together in a week, so we decided to have a sleepover tonight!" Jack explained. "Geoff is on his way over with refreshments, so he'll be here soon."

"Now, I brought some board games," started Lindsay, "who wants to play Monopoly?" Everyone groaned. "Great! I'll set it up."

"You good, Ry?" Ray asked quietly as everyone began to sit in a circle around the board.

"Yeah, I am. Thank you guys so much for this; I really needed it." Ryan responded. Ray nodded, planting a gentle kiss on his boyfriends lips. "Hey, can me and you go do something tomorrow? I was thinking that we could go to the mall or something."

"That sounds amazing, Ry. I can't wait." Ray beamed at him.

"Alright, cocksuckers, ready to have your asses kicked by the great Mogar?" Michael roared, slamming his piece onto the board. Everyone, including Ryan, let out a startled laugh. Ryan looked around at all of his friends, and at his boyfriend, and he gave a small smile.

He was going to get better.

_For them._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, announcement time. 
> 
> I'm sorry, but I'm going on an indefinite hiatus with this fic. I am going through some really personal things right now, and I am not in a well enough place mentally to write this right now. I'll try and update my other fics as much as I can, but don't expect this one to update for a few months at least.


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